The LBDDiaries.com Blog

So the other day I was minding my own business, folding towels and assorted things.  Suddenly I found a shirt that was stuck to one of the towels and pulled it off.

I thought it was Alpha Hubby’s gym shirt.  I then realized it was my shirt and it was a shirt that wasn’t supposed to go through the dryer.

“Well, crud,” I mumble.

“What?” asked AH from the other room.

“I just found a shirt that wasn’t supposed to go thru the dryer,” I reply.

“Well, what is it doing in the dryer then,” he asks, starting the male trek toward death.

“I must not have seen it when I put the clothes in the washer,” I reply.

“Well, if you had been more careful, it wouldn’t be in the dryer,” he tosses out, edging closer to death with each word.

I’m thinking, “What is the matter with this guy that he doesn’t value his life?”

He smirkingly continues, “I’m only trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help here.  There is no fixing this.  The shirt is shrunk,” stating the obvious.

“Bet you’ll be more careful next time, huh,” he says, laughing as he saunters down the hallway toward the bedroom.

*cricket cricket*

“You know,” I shout, “you’ll have to fall asleep sometime.”

*Snicker snicker*   “Yea right, babe, shaking in my boots here.”

“Grrrrrrrrr,”  a typical ending to most conversations a woman has married to an Alpha Male.

Because of Valentine’s Day, I got to thinking about the power of True Love.  It really isn’t magic but when you see it, it looks and feels like magic.  My parents were a perfect example of True Love.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Not a love this true
Common destiny – we were meant to be
Me and you

They didn’t marry until 12 years after high school, but my mom says she fell in love with him the minute she saw him.  Dad used to joke that he ran for 12 years and finally gave up – but he would say it with a special secret smile they gave one another when he said that.  The pix below are years apart (hers in 1944; his in 1966).

They were romantic, often breaking out in dance when my brother and I were growing up.  I loved watching my dad’s face when they were slow dancing.  There was never a doubt in my mind they were a romantic, madly in love couple even after 55 years of marriage.  I thought all parents were like my parents.

Like a perfect scene – from a movie screen
We’re a dream come true
Suited perfectly – for eternity
Me and you

After both my parents died, I was going through their effects and discovered each had saved romantic cards they’d received from each other over the years.  What surprised me is that the best ones (and most) were given later in their marriage.  Their love truly did get better and stronger as time went by, as evidenced by the little notes they hand-wrote in the card.  I felt I was a peeping tom looking at something intimate.

Contrary to all the negativity out there in the world, many couples are forever couples (like my friends Pamela and Eric) and work very hard to keep the romance and intimacy protected in their relationships.  They learned the secret that while it takes work to protect that intimacy, it is well worth it. 

Some people even get married right out of high school (like my friend Steph and her hubby Mike) and years later, are still madly in love and creating a wonderful life together.

Or like my son and his wife LeighAnn – after 5 years, they were married in 2010 in Vegas by Elvis thankyouverymuch.  They have so much fun together.  They play.  They laugh.  They fit like a hand and glove!

Alpha Hubby and I made a solemn promise to one another right after we married.  We promised not to become roommates.  We promised to keep the honeymoon going.  We promised that we would not allow what we had to fade and become stale.

Sometimes we have to slap our own faces and remind ourselves to put the other first, to keep that intimacy going, but it truly does just keep getting better and better. 

Everyday I live – try my best to give
All I have to you
Thank the stars above – that we share this love
Me and you

Alpha Hubby is incredibly adept at romantic gestures.  He wants to stop and dance.  He loves dancing with me.  He is always giving of himself for and to me.  He has learned a language of love that blesses me to hear.  Even after almost 18 years of marriage, he is able to take my breath away by how he feels and what he says.

He truly loves me and everything he does is for me and for us. 

The power of True Love is not just romantic gestures like sending flowers.  It is constantly letting one another know “you are so loved.”  It is believing in one another.  It is getting caught bragging about each other.  It is speaking words of life, positive words, over one another rather than pointing out each other’s faults.  It is in seeing that person as valuable and precious to you.  It is in keeping promises.  It is in not taking each other for granted.  True Love is far too rare to waste.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Just a precious few – ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you

Life is about True Tove.  It means you put your love for one another first, putting yourselves ahead of everything else.  Then you arrange that everything else around that precious love.  Then that everything else will work out from that point.  Never put anything else first ahead of each other – not children, not careers, not hobbies, not others.  The only thing more important than your love for one another is your love for God. 

You must nurture True Love.  Learn that rule.  Then go forth and Enjoy It.  Enjoy it more than just on Valentine’s Day!!

Baby, a few white hairs later (altho why yours is in your beard and mine is all over my head…), a lot of laughs, fun, joy, happiness, and True Love:

Every day I need you even more
And the nighttime too
There’s no way I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

And trust me, I don’t.  Ever.

.
Others to check out:

http://www.nancygrayce.blogspot.com
http://www.highheeledlife.com
http://www.myinnerchick.com
http://www.bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/
 http://www.thekeepingtime.blogspot.com/
http://www.wildchildmama.com 
http://www.cinfulcinnamon.com
http://www.classicnycstory.com
http://www.stardustsavannah.com
http://www.winsomebella.wordpress.com
http://www.gypsyroxylee.wordpress.com/
http://www.amysadventures.org
http://www.momentsofwhimsy.com

It’s kind of funny to feel like a very romantic couple, to post little tidbits of romance like you know what you’re talking about, to be held up as a standard by some, to be told “you guys help me know what real love is” – and then to have nothing to say during the “romance month” and Valentine’s Day!  It’s like (*horrors*) – I have no romance left in me!

Say it ain’t so, Joe!!

OK, it ain’t so.  I just can’t seem to find any words right now!  Well, there is a word – a cool word – a word they used to use in historical romances all the time to describe the hero.  Ennui (ahn-wee):

A feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety

The kind of ennui that comes from having too much time on one’s
hands and too little will to find something productive to do

Synonyms: blahs, doldrums, boredom, listlessness, restlessness,
tedium, weariness

Oh no, I am not talking about my feelings for Alpha Hubby.  I am talking about trying to find things “romantic”.  Things romance-related.  To find something DIFFERENT  that is romantic.  You know, like all the magazines suggest, “Keep your sex life and the romance kindled and hot-hot-hot!”  Blah.

Those people don’t live in the boonies.  Living in the boonies means you can’t dress up and go to the opera.  You can’t take a carriage ride.  You can’t even find an up-scale restaurant right around the corner…

 …(you know, the kind with linen tablecloths and CLOTH napkins, real silver, candles, and waiters that DO NOT introduce themselves to you with a, “Hello, my name is Bubba and I’ll be your waiter tonight and since I’m working my way through college and really need the money I am going to interrupt you many, many times tonight to make sure you are satisfied and will leave a good tip.”). 

You get the picture.  We have no place to go unless we want to drive over an hour plus to get there… which sort of stifles the romance when you also have to drive back home late at night without a limo and chauffeur so you can mess around in the back seat.  The lack of choices produces an unbearable ennui sometimes.  It is so exhausting to search for different ways to be romantic.  It means you have to THINK. 

It is so bad that I asked Alpha Hubby last Saturday night, “What are we going to do for Valentine’s Day?” 

He says, “I don’t know.  It’s on a Tuesday which makes it kind of hard to do anything.  What do you have in mind?”

I say, ‘Nothing. I’m not sure I want to do anything.  I mean, I don’t want to waste any money right now because I want that master suite addition done more than anything.  I don’t want us to spend money on each other.”

He says, “Yeah, I know what you mean.  It would be nice to have that finished.”

Then I began thinking, “Oh my gosh is the romance dead here?  Have we finally lost the honeymoon period after 18 years?  Are we doooomed?”

He adds, “We could go to Rivertown BBQ if you want.  So-in-so at work said it was the best.  I would be glad to take you if you want to go.”

I reply, “I’ve been there.  It’s okay but it is just a joint not a romantic restaurant or anything.  I think I remember the BBQ being very good, though.”

He says, “Well, it’s just a thought.  I would be glad to take you anywhere you want to go.”

I say, “I can pick some BBQ up and bring it home so we can eat here, on our beautiful table (that he made me), with candles and such.”  (Altho truth tell I am thinking, “BBQ is not romance food.”

He says, “No, that’s work on you and not romantic.”

Silence ensures.

I say, “Well, fine then.  Then we’ll do the usual.  Just come home and we’ll share a glass, romantic music, candles, and have wild, hot sex.”

He says, “Works for me.”

And they say romance is dead!

. 

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I’d be lost and so confused
I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it’s just impossible
Because of you, it’s all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can’t imagine me without you

(Pardon my redux, slightly updated.  I pulled out [and revamped] a post from 2010.)

Okay. I know I chat a bit about Alpha Hubby.  Oh, OK, I chat a LOT.  And yes, in case you haven’t noticed, I am absolutely one hundred percent head-over-heels, over-the-moon wild about him.   There’s a reason.

Let me digress a bit.  Long before I met Alpha Hubby, loooooong before (what took you so long to find me, baby??), I’d done some studying, learning, changing, realizing what was important, what wasn’t, observing, growing, and growing up. 

I also did a lot of listening.  I used to listen to the women at work talk about their husbands.  I used to listen to women at Ladies Group (Bible study) talk about their hubands.  I used to listen to friends, store clerks, and near strangers talk about their husbands.

And when I say that what these women were not saying, “Oh, he is THE best man ev-ah!!”, I’m probably understating it.  I’d listen to women put their husbands down, talk about his faults, what irritates them about him, how he messed up (like they are so perfeft), everything he does wrong, and personal details that should never have been shared in public.  It was a total lack of respect and honor. 

I swore to myself that if I ever met a Knight In Shining Armor, I would make sure a day doesn’t go by that he doesn’t know I love him.  I would protect what we have together.  I would cherish him (even in the face of dirty laundry).  I would honor him.  I would respect  him.  I would never expose him to public scrutiny in a negative way.  No gossip, no “sharing” and, for sure, no bad-mouthing.  Ev-ah.  I made up my mind to do long this before I met him.

When you consider how long I waited for this KISA (12 years), I was certainly not going to waste any part of our life together.  Oh my gosh, I’d had enough drama in my life before I met him that I swore I would NEVER EVER live like that again.  And along comes this man who loves me!  He loves me!  He’s not afraid to show it.  I love him.  I’m not afraid to show it.  I like gagging people.  I love how he loves me!  And I absolutely refuse to allow one day to go by where he does not know how much I treasure his love.  I thank God for him.

We’ve been married 17 years, 9 months, 4 weeks today.  I only grow to love him more as each year passes.  He is my best friend and support.  He believes in me.  He is the first and only man to send me flowers.  He gives me everything I need.  And if it is within his power, he gives me everything I want and desire. 

Of course, I, in turn, do not want and desire things.  I want and desire him.  He is crazy about me!  And I can honestly say to you that not one time in 17 years, 9 months, 4 weeks have I ever bad-mouthed him to another person on this earth.  Ever.  Oh, I might have talked to myself but…

We work very hard to protect our marriage.  We do not speak badly about one another to others.  We hash out everything and even tho I’m sure he wants to pinch my head off sometimes, in 17 years, 9 months, 4 weeks, I think we only went to bed mad at one another one time – sometime 16 years ago.  It was no fun.  We didn’t like it.  We decided not to do that again.

He is strong, a man of honor and unwavering in what is right and what is wrong.  He is a man of God and is beyond my wildest dreams.  He’s got my back at all times.  AND he even does the dishes and sometimes clears out the dryer, folding the clothes AND not just because he’s on the hunt for socks.  AND He vacuums.  I know!!

I am his biggest cheerleader and he is mine.  I believe in him totally.  I believe in his dreams.  And sure, there are times we holler – well, I do.  He sulls up.  We learned that we don’t like that, either.  We decided not to do that again, either.  We work to keep the poison out of our marriage.  We don’t spend time alone with the opposite sex, or have intimate conversations with them about anything. 

Today I decided that I wanted to do a tribute to Alpha Hubby.  I wanted to publicly thank him for loving me like he does.  He makes my world a better place with his powerful love.

I want to thank him for working hard to support this family and allowing me the freedom to be home to write and pursue my dreams.  I want to thank him for getting up every morning 5 to 6 days a week to go to that job.  I want to thank him for the work he does in our home, creating dream rooms for me.  I want to thank him for the passion we have together (BOY! Do I want to thank him for THAT!).  I want to thank him for the unconditional support he has given me while I am on this journey to get back into my Little Black Dress.  UN-CONDITIONAL.  His heart burns for ME (and it’s not indigestion).

I’m so glad I tangled up my life and dreams with his! 

Baby, I love how you love me.  You do an excellent job!

There are a lot of blogs aimed at or written by younger mothers who blog about their children.  I think that is wonderful.**

But this isn’t one of them.  I’m from the other side.  The dark side.

I am here to tell you something.  Shhhh. It is a very well kept secret.

There are definite benefits to having your children moved out of the house.  OK, there are major benefits to having your children moved out of the house.

You have reached a different stage of enjoyment with your kids. You are blessed to be able to see “who” they have become.  Alpha Hubby and I love  that our son is also one of our best friends (along with his wife and their friends).

Be that as it may, after he moved out (and my short heart-aching meltdown), it didn’t take long to realize the benefits.  I looked over at Alpha Hubby and we shared a very sly grin together.  Helloooo, baby!

I was blessed to have a mother who warned me to take care of business so that when Alpha Son was out, Alpha Hubby and I would still know each other. She warned to protect our relationship so we didn’t look at one another after 17 years and think, “WHO is this person?”

The best years ever as a couple are those after you have finished the years of raising children.  I know each stage of your child is wonderful and you never stop loving and praying for them.  But you let them go to spread their wings to fly or hit a wall, their choice. You are there IF they need you but your focus has changed.  No.  That’s not true.  My focus has always been on Alpha Hubby, but I was also mom.  It isn’t the same during as it is afterward.  “Mommy, why is the door locked?”  No, it never happened but it could easily have!

You can now get back to the business of chasing one another around the house.

Alpha Hubby and I didn’t get that when we married. He took on the responsibility of Alpha Son and I believe Alpha Son would not be who he is today were it not for Alpha Hubby. He is the one who completed the manly-man training.  I mean, I have to blame someone for this:

So anyway, my point is that there is more of this under the tree and less little metal cars:

We will sit in front of this on Christmas eve and share what we love about one another:

There will be this:

And some of this:

And lots of this:

And…

…well, needless to say, that simply is NONE of your business!

No matter what stage you are in your life, ENJOY it.

Oh, and the title?  Well, it caught your attention didn’t it???  HO HO HO!!

Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree – for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight -0 de dum de dum dum da dum….

**Not to imply that mothers who blog about their children can’t do these things, too.  I know they do, thru experience.  I’m talking about once the kids have moved out of the house and you’re free to run wild without embarrassing interruptions.