The LBDDiaries.com Blog

Is it just me or did 2011 just zip by?   I’m kinda of feeling like I missed something!  What do you think 2012 will bring to you?  It really is YOUR choice, you know.  It isn’t that we are magicians who can pull miracles out of a hat but we can bring about changes. 

We live self-fulfilling prophecies all the time through the words of our mouth.  Words like, ‘I always get sick this time of year” or “I am never going to get ahead in my life.”  “Money sure goes!  There will never be enough to pay all my bills.”   How about, “My kids are driving me crazy; they’re never going to do right” and “You’ll always be this way.” 

Worse are the “too’s”,  “I am never going to accomplish anything with my life because it’s too or I’m too  (fill in the blank).   Suggestions?  It’s too late.  I’m too old.  I”m too young.  I’m too broke.  It’s too hard.  Even worse?  I CAN’T.  And you would be absolutely 100% right.

I think that every year, no matter how many times we’ve been proven wrong, we actually dream of and believe that we just might be able to do better this time, this new year.  We harbor private hopes that things can change.  We want to believe that resolutions work or that this time, we will keep them.

We dream of a fresh start.

Well GOOD NEWS!  I’m here to tell you that it is NEVER, never, never, ever too late.  NEVER.  Each and every one of us can make changes to make our lives better.  Even the most negative of Grinch-y people can change.  No one is exempt.  Change is possible for every. single. person.  Amen.

Of course if you SAY, “I don’t believe that.  Forget it.  It won’t happen for me” – you are absolutely right here, too.  It won’t.  Believe it or not, being positive draws good things to you.  Being negative draws negative things to you.  

Dare to believe – to have hope and keep the flame of it burning bright.  Never give up on yourself.   Never stop dreaming BIG.  If you make up your mind that you WILL make changes and you WILL enjoy your best year ever, you WILL.  You will find little things in your life that can lead to big changes.  You will find yourself looking for the positive, looking forward, and changing your own attitude and, dare I say?  Destiny.

We really do live lives full of self-fulfilling prophecies, bad or good.  And these are the ONLY lives we get here on earth.  You’d think we’d take better care of ourselves!  Quit following others and their way of doing things.  Don’t listen to those who nay-say you or your deam.  Keep away from toxic relationships!  Make choices just for yourself.  Your life is exactly what you make of it.

On that note, I am going offline for the next month.  30 big ones.  Thirty days. Thurty long daze.  It’s all the fault of Christie Glascoe Crowder who posted an article over at Type-A Parent:

http://typeaparent.com/going-off-the-grid-planning-and-surviving-a-digital-sabbatical.html

She posted the article after she went “off the grid” for a month and is creating an e-book of her experiences in a few weeks (January sometime).  I can’t wait to read it. 

Similar to her points, my thought process is to establish, for that month the following:

No blogging (posting or reading) – I tremble as you read
No engaging in social sites (Twitter) – Ditto
No surfing the web (including shopping) – full blown panic attack

All my writing, note-taking, and ideas will be done by hand with pen in my paper notebooks (thank goodness that I have a huge pile of both). 

I unsubscribed from all my digital newsletters, RSS feeds, and blogs.  I will return to the blogs (had to write down their web addresses) but I don’t need the temptation popping up every time I check my bank account or pay a bill!

As Christie pointed out,  this time period is a “full system overhaul, starting from within.”   

I have a support system in my friend Steph from over at Momma’s Soapbox.  We both began working on our Aloha lives in 2010, (her link for Aloha) (mine is HERE)  and want to build on that this coming year in more specific and powerful ways.

So do I think this is going to be a breeze?  Oh ha.  Heck no.  I have the queasy’s inside.  I actually am very nervous about unplugging myself.  But I have to do this, for me. 

I have to plug back into my life and my “self”. 

And isn’t that a wonderful way to begin a New Year?  It’s all right!  Have a good time, cause it’s all right, oh, it’s all right!!

Miss me a little bit, OK??

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

~ Frank Outlaw

(After post: Some people have asked to hear this song again; since I change songs each post, I offer you the You Tube live version of Francine Reed singing “Wild Women Don’t Get the Blues.”  She’s a powerful singer!)

You’ll have to pardon me here for a minute.  I have to take a little side trip back to before I met Alpha Hubby.  Part of it helps one to understand why he was so impressed with me when we met (his words, not mine).  He *said* he liked my strength.

The song you hear playing is sung by Francine Reed (with Lyle Lovett’s band).  That woman sings so strongly, you just want to jump up and yell, “Me, too!”  I’ve wanted to use this song in a post since forever!

Most of you know that I wasn’t in a relationship for the 12 years before Alpha Hubby came along and tied me down so I couldn’t get away.  He wanted to sweep me off my feet (which would have been much simpler), but no.  No, I spent time wondering where his axe was, when the other shoe was going to drop, or if he would suddenly change from the seemingly nice guy he was into some macho-chest-beating brute.

Now because I still had baggage out the wazoo, you might think I was a spineless wimp back then.  You might think I wasn’t going out because I didn’t have offers or was skeert.  You might think I was too hurt and burned out to ever date again.  You would be thinking wrong.

I was a Wild Woman. 

Oh, wait before you get the wrong idea.  I don’t mean I “ran around at night” and “drank all the Courvoisier I could find” – I was a single parent, working long hours and I didn’t drink. 

This song says a Wild Woman never gets the blues.  That a Wild Woman is strong, will tell any man to go to h-e-double hockey sticks if that man “don’t know how to act right” – wild women will be “the first ones to learn how to fly” – THEY DON’T SIT AROUND WAITING.  I decided life is just fine and I could dance by myself!

Now sure, for me there were some trust issues that had to be dealt with but MOST of them were gone by the time my baby came along.  Besides, some issues couldn’t be dealt with until I was in that situation again.  It’s like walking in love toward others.  I don’t really know if I have that down or not, until it is challenged and tested.  Let someone come along and cut me off in traffic and see how well ingrained my love walk is!  Or talk trash about my man (fist city, baby)!

I am a Wild Woman.  In those twelve years before Alpha Hubby, I spent time healing.  I learned why I was attracted to the wrong type of person.  I figured out why I allowed some man to treat me badly and then let him keep on doing that after he was gone through memories, nightmares and fear.  I cried.  I mourned. I ranted, raved, screamed, and kicked my own bootie.  I read books, prayed, forgave, and let go of the past.  

I found my Inner Wild Woman – that confident woman I used to be.

Wild Women are strong.  I learned that I am SOMEBODY and I have a right to be treated with respect, dignity, honor, and as if I am valuable and precious.  Wild Women don’t let some guy walk all over them.  There was never again going to be a “trifling husband” and I got rid of the “no good friends”!  I never got the blues again because I made a decision to enjoy my life to the fullest right where I was.

I learned that if someone didn’t respect me, they never got time in my space.  I learned the value of slapping that hand up, palm out, in their face, and saying, “STOP!”  Stop because you don’t deserve me.  Stop because I am never putting up with that again.  Stop because I am special and if you don’t treat me that way, I am flat out NOT interested in you.  Stop because if you don’t treat me right, I’m outta here.  I DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANYONE DISRESPECTING ME ever again.

I am a Wild Woman.  I learned to respect myself.  I learned my worth.  I learned that I am OK just the way I am and I don’t HAVE to change before I’m worthy of someone’s love. 

Then one day at work, along came this guy I barely knew.  He thought I was somebody special.  He was in awe of me (boy, has THAT changed).  He was gentle, patient, and kind to the point I said to him, “I’m not sure I know what to do with a nice guy!”  I mean, really – what was the matter with him?  He was treating me right!  Too foreign for my ability to comperhend.

Of course, NOW I know he is a reformed bad boy and he is dominating, aggravating, pushy, challenging, likes to get his way, hates to be told what to do, is very confident in himself (but not conceited), gets mega cranky when he’s tired, and would walk all over me IF I let him.  He likes that I don’t let him… at least he said that to me when we were first married.  He tends to forget that now (*ahem*).  I love him wildly and strongly.

Wild women: we don’t ever worry.  Wild women never, never get the blues!  His very strength helps me be stronger.  He loves me passionately.  He loves me just the way I am.  He loves me completely.  He loves me enough that I can let go and not be strong sometimes.

Strong Men love Wild Women.  Wildly and Strongly.

Wild Women Never Get The Blues

Although I majored in Psychology in college, I did not get the degree and I do not profess to be an expert in anything other than myself.  Sort of, “I’m not a doctor but I play one in this blog.”  So this, being a blog, don’t take anything as a professional discourse – it’s opinion and experience.

I don’t know where I learned about the “IT girl” but I’ve known it all my life.  It’s sort of like today’s “you’re all that.”  But let me allow Wikipedia to explain (and remember it started in 1920′s):

The term was coined by English romance novelist and screenwriter Elinor Glyn to describe actress Clara Bow as she appeared in the 1927 Hollywood silent film It. In the introduction to the film Glyn described the term thus:

“IT” is that quality possessed by some which draws all others with its magnetic force. With “IT” you win all men if you are a woman—and all women if you are a man. “IT” can be a quality of the mind as well as a physical attraction.^[1]  AND

Self-confidence and indifference whether you are pleasing or not—and something in you that gives the impression that you are not at all cold. That’s “IT”. ^[1]

However, the movie also plays with the notion that “it” is a quality which eschews definitions and consequently the girl portrayed by Bow is an amalgam of an ingenue and a femme fatale, with a touch of “material girl”. By contrast, her rival is equally young and comely, and even rich, blonde and well-bred to boot, but she simply hasn’t got “it”. 

Owing to Glyn’s widely publicized pronouncement, the term It Girl entered the cultural lexicon. Bow’s contemporary and friend, the actress Louise Brooks was also widely described as an “It girl”, especially retrospectively. 

Andy Warhol‘s muse, Edie Sedgwick, was dubbed the It Girl in the ’60′s.

So I’m sure by now you’re wondering what the IT girls have to do with the LBD Journey – EVERYTHING. 

We’ve all known someone who just drew people to themselves like magnets.  There was an indescribable quality about them that made you feel good and enjoy being in their presence.  It has nothing to do with money, clothes, or things.  It has everything to do with confidence and liking yourself (or seeming to since I think Edie Sedgwick died of “acute barbiturate intoxication” in 1971 so obviously didn’t have it all together).

I want to talk about the real-deal.  The IT girl that resides inside all of us.  The only person we really have to please is ourself.  I don’t include God and mates right now because those are complementary areas that can be dealt with later. 

When we have no confidence in ourselves, in who we are, it shows.  It comes out in so many different ways, I can’t begin to catalog them all here but sometimes it is in overeating and sometimes accumulating stuff and things. 

Sometimes it becomes drug or alcohol addiction.  Sometimes in is indiscriminate sexual promiscuity (altho how you could tell that nowadays, I’m not sure).  Sometimes it manifests in hating everything about ourselves to the point we can no longer see anything good in and about ourselves. 

IT – that quality of mind that draws.  Do you realize that most of the people we enjoy being around really LIKE themselves?  It isn’t because they are a perfect size or body type.  It isn’t the perfect hair or face.  It is as simple for them as looking in the mirror and saying, “I like this person I’m looking at.”  

We all have self-worth.  Sometimes people mistakenly interchange the word self-esteem with self-worth – but we are ALL worth something.  Self-esteem, on the other hand, is something that can change; it can become battered and bruised through life experiences and OPO (other people’s opinions).

The experience of OPO may be something we take to heart and use to define who we think we are – nothing.  It is like in a relationship where a boyfriend doesn’t want you and dumps you.  Instead of thinking, “his loss” we think, “What is the matter with ME?”

There was a time, during my earlier ”before Alpha Hubby” days, that I discovered I was valuable and precious – special.  I may be great only to myself (and God) but I learned I was a pretty doggoned neat person in spite of OPO.  In that knowledge, I learned to use “talk to the hand” (figuratively) - if someone did not view or treat me as valuable and precious, they no longer deserved or had access to my life space.   See ya!

I learned that NO ONE has a right to treat me badly or make me feel less than good about myself.  I learned that if they didn’t want me, BIG HAIRY DEAL.  Sure, it hurt, but it no longer defined me, especially as a loser.  I learned to move on (although in the 12 years before I met Alpha Hubby there was only one loser that I am so so so so so so glad moved one.  Oh MAN am I glad he dumped me.  He ended up being psycho!).  *Ahem* moving right along…

The point.  No matter what we look like, no matter how much we weigh, no matter who likes or doesn’t like us, no matter WHAT – we are all IT girls and have a right to be treated that way.  NO ONE has the right to treat you badly and as less than OK.  NO ONE NO ONE NO ONE.  Not a parent, not a significant other, not a friend.  NO ONE, OK?

To all of you who follow this blog, please take a minute and look in the mirror and say to yourself, “YOU are an IT girl, and don’t you forget it!”  Then sing to yourself – “You are so beautiful to me!”

I’m an It Girl, You’re an It Girl, She’s an It Girl, We’re all It Girls – wouldn’t you like to be an It Girl, too??

.

You Are So Beautiful, Joe Cocker

Since I am off doing some non-internet work, this post is a re-do of a previous post.

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

(I’m working on shutting down my other website/blog and bringing the files and posts to this blog & corresponding website.  I am using a few of those posts here until I’m done unpacking and reorganizing my house and website!)

What’s in a name?

My name is not unique.  It was heartbreaking when I was younger to learn that my name came from a can of vegetables.  Apparently, there used to be a brand called Nancy Lee.  Isn’t that just sad?  I wanted to be named some exotic non-ordinary name.  My pregnant mom wanders through a grocery store and finds my future name on a can of green beans in the vegetable aisle?!

When I was a sophomore in high school, we again moved to a new town.  I had a chance to reinvent myself.  Our class had several “Nancy’s” in it, so when it came to signing up in each class, I cut off the “cy” and became “Nan.”  That was many moon’s ago – more than I’m going to share with you, nosy.  Needless to say, I’ve been a Nan longer than I was ever a can of vegetables… errr – Nancy.

I’ve been Nan so long, I don’t even recognize myself as a Nancy and if I were walking down the street and someone hollered out “Hey Nancy” I’d never realize they were talking to me.  It sounds too foreign – even the IRS sent my forms each year to Nan.  My inner name is Nan no matter what people call me on the outside.  It is ingrained to the point that no one can take it away from me.

So what actually is in a name?  Our identity.  The name we are comfortable with is what is important and no one can take it away from us, even if they refuse to call us by our name.  Even more important is that who we are is tied up in our inner name.

It’s like when someone called my son stupid in elementary school.  He’d come home, full of indignation and said, “MOM! So-in-so called me stupid!”  I’d say, “Well, are you stupid?” “Well, nooo,” he’d reply, “NO, I am not stupid.”  So then I say (isn’t this fun?), “Well I guess that makes so-in-so a liar, huh!  And we never believe what liars say, right?”  Light bulb!  “Ohhh, right!,” he’d reply, then go on his merry way, satisfied.

So what are you calling yourself?  (well, you knew there was a point to this post, right?) 

Is your inner voice calling you… stupid?  A failure?  disorganized?  overweight?   slow?  depressed?  stressed?  fat?  dumb?  poor?  ugly?  incapable?  a mess?  You are the only one who can change your name, inside and out, just as I did in waaaay back in high school.

Sure, you may have to fight others to make them accept your new name, but you can do it – and you can ignore them! 

It is a fact that we become what we believe inside and what we call ourselves, inside and out.  When you are talking to yourself (what? I’m the only one??)… when we are talking to ourselves, what do we say?  We mess up something and we say “Oh ______” - what?  What do you say?  “Oh you dummy?”  “Man, you are so stupid!”  “What a screw up?”  “I must be losing my mind?”  “I can’t ever do this right!”  “I’m never going to lose this weight!”  “Nothing ever works for me.”  “I am SUCH a loser!”

Our inner voice is far stronger than we know and believe.  No matter what someone calls us on the outside, our inner voice is the one we really believe.  Trust me.  When Alpha Hubby used to say, “You look beautiful” I’d make this raspberry sound, because really?  My inner voice knew I didn’t look beautiful.  It frustrated him to no end.  To him I was beautiful and he didn’t like that I didn’t believe him.  But even if I did look beautiful, my inner voice said, “Nah, look at that or look at this” – something that made me feel ugly.  Zit, wrinkle, pudge, high forehead – whatever.

I think we should make a decision that from today forward, we are going to work on this.  We are going to begin by making a determination to only call ourselves positive names – ones we need to believe – ones we want to be.  It takes practice.  It takes tuning our ear to hearing what we really say about ourselves.

HI!  My name is Nan.  My name is also organized.  My name is healthy and fit.  My name is thankful.  My name is joyful.  My name is disciplined.  My name is wealthy.  My name is successful.  My name is complete!  My name is “wow am I an excellent organized disciplined amazing housekeeper!!” (Ha! Hahaha)…. ok I’ll have to work on that one.

JOY is becoming the best you can be – and it starts right there, inside you!

*What’s Your Name, Don and Juan
A Boy Named Sue, Johnny Cash

(Older post from my other website Joy-Cafe.com archives; I’m working on #1 goal to get totally unpacked by the end of January. I’ll be back with live content when I have time!)

There are so many things we take for granted.  The sad truth is that with most of them, we don’t even know we are taking them for granted.

Take the internet.  Sure, some of us will admit we are slightly addicted.  We just don’t know how bad it is until we can’t get onto the internet exactly when we want to.

The other day we had thunderstorms all day long.  My connection to the internet was intermittent.  I spent some time working on an email note and when it was time to send it, there was no connection.  My USB light was blinking which means death to the nice long note – because I hadn’t saved it or sent it to draft.  I know lost it because I saw that dreaded “page not found.” UGH.

This morning Alpha Hubby woke me up before he left for work to tell me there was NO water.  This means that somewhere along the water line, there was a leak.  No water!  I needed to wash my hair.  I needed to make coffee.  I needed… oh so many things.  It is so amazing what you realize you do with water when you don’t have any.  Laundry, coffee, dishes, flushing, drinking, and most important of all, brushing teeth!

And as much as Alpha Hubby mocks me for this, I did have water.  I always keep 3-4 gallons (in bottles) on hand for moments just like this one.  He pokes at me because he wants to make sure I don’t go back to being a packrat – that person who has cases of toilet paper and paper towels, and huge stashes of emergency supplies “just in case we need them.”

I’m not that bad anymore but I NEVER take toilet paper for granted.  Trust me.  There were times in the past when napkins and tissue were put in use and I always swore, shaking my fist at the toilet… um, in the air…  ”As God is my witness, as God is my witness… I’ll never be without real toilet paper again!  No, nor any of my folk.  If I have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill.  As God is my witness, I’ll never be without toilet paper again!”** 

*Ahem*  Shades of Scarlet O’Hara!  No, I don’t keep cases on hand (but mom did and she didn’t live far from me!), but I always have a pack or two so that I am never without again.  Ever.

So anyway, taking things for granted – the worst thing we take for granted is our loved ones.  We often treat others better than we do our own family members.  It’s like, because we are in the same family, they should put up with our rudeness while we are unfailingly polite to total strangers.

Our loved ones are to be more valuable and precious to us than anyone else on the face of this earth.  We should look at them and always remember what it is we love about them – AND like.

We should protect them by never talking badly about them.  We should praise them both in public and to their faces.  We should value them as something worth taking care of – far more than we do our houses or cars!

We do live in a wonderful world.  There is so much around us that we should value and appreciate.  There are things you’d really miss if they were gone.  Don’t take them for granted!

Try to think of five things today that you take for granted – then remind yourself why you are grateful about it.  Or how about electricity?  Imagine having to use kerosene lamps again.  Toothpaste or deodorant?  Think how awful it would be in this world without them!  Your dog?  Your car?  Refrigerator?  Running water?  A person?  Then tell them how much you appreciate them. 

Baby?  THANK YOU for loving me!

**Quote from Gone With the Wind, paraphrased

Song: Smokey Robinson “I Love Your Face“