The LBDDiaries.com Blog

Is it just me or did 2011 just zip by?   I’m kinda of feeling like I missed something!  What do you think 2012 will bring to you?  It really is YOUR choice, you know.  It isn’t that we are magicians who can pull miracles out of a hat but we can bring about changes. 

We live self-fulfilling prophecies all the time through the words of our mouth.  Words like, ‘I always get sick this time of year” or “I am never going to get ahead in my life.”  “Money sure goes!  There will never be enough to pay all my bills.”   How about, “My kids are driving me crazy; they’re never going to do right” and “You’ll always be this way.” 

Worse are the “too’s”,  “I am never going to accomplish anything with my life because it’s too or I’m too  (fill in the blank).   Suggestions?  It’s too late.  I’m too old.  I”m too young.  I’m too broke.  It’s too hard.  Even worse?  I CAN’T.  And you would be absolutely 100% right.

I think that every year, no matter how many times we’ve been proven wrong, we actually dream of and believe that we just might be able to do better this time, this new year.  We harbor private hopes that things can change.  We want to believe that resolutions work or that this time, we will keep them.

We dream of a fresh start.

Well GOOD NEWS!  I’m here to tell you that it is NEVER, never, never, ever too late.  NEVER.  Each and every one of us can make changes to make our lives better.  Even the most negative of Grinch-y people can change.  No one is exempt.  Change is possible for every. single. person.  Amen.

Of course if you SAY, “I don’t believe that.  Forget it.  It won’t happen for me” – you are absolutely right here, too.  It won’t.  Believe it or not, being positive draws good things to you.  Being negative draws negative things to you.  

Dare to believe – to have hope and keep the flame of it burning bright.  Never give up on yourself.   Never stop dreaming BIG.  If you make up your mind that you WILL make changes and you WILL enjoy your best year ever, you WILL.  You will find little things in your life that can lead to big changes.  You will find yourself looking for the positive, looking forward, and changing your own attitude and, dare I say?  Destiny.

We really do live lives full of self-fulfilling prophecies, bad or good.  And these are the ONLY lives we get here on earth.  You’d think we’d take better care of ourselves!  Quit following others and their way of doing things.  Don’t listen to those who nay-say you or your deam.  Keep away from toxic relationships!  Make choices just for yourself.  Your life is exactly what you make of it.

On that note, I am going offline for the next month.  30 big ones.  Thirty days. Thurty long daze.  It’s all the fault of Christie Glascoe Crowder who posted an article over at Type-A Parent:

http://typeaparent.com/going-off-the-grid-planning-and-surviving-a-digital-sabbatical.html

She posted the article after she went “off the grid” for a month and is creating an e-book of her experiences in a few weeks (January sometime).  I can’t wait to read it. 

Similar to her points, my thought process is to establish, for that month the following:

No blogging (posting or reading) – I tremble as you read
No engaging in social sites (Twitter) – Ditto
No surfing the web (including shopping) – full blown panic attack

All my writing, note-taking, and ideas will be done by hand with pen in my paper notebooks (thank goodness that I have a huge pile of both). 

I unsubscribed from all my digital newsletters, RSS feeds, and blogs.  I will return to the blogs (had to write down their web addresses) but I don’t need the temptation popping up every time I check my bank account or pay a bill!

As Christie pointed out,  this time period is a “full system overhaul, starting from within.”   

I have a support system in my friend Steph from over at Momma’s Soapbox.  We both began working on our Aloha lives in 2010, (her link for Aloha) (mine is HERE)  and want to build on that this coming year in more specific and powerful ways.

So do I think this is going to be a breeze?  Oh ha.  Heck no.  I have the queasy’s inside.  I actually am very nervous about unplugging myself.  But I have to do this, for me. 

I have to plug back into my life and my “self”. 

And isn’t that a wonderful way to begin a New Year?  It’s all right!  Have a good time, cause it’s all right, oh, it’s all right!!

Miss me a little bit, OK??

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

~ Frank Outlaw

 (This is part of an on-going series Momma’s Soapbox and I are doing on Keeping Our Inner Aloha/Peaceful Life. See here for the Aloha lowdown and here for the Peaceful Life reason!)

So Steph and I made the decision to keep, as she says, our inner Aloha – to become Better Me’s and improve our lives in every area.  To me, one of the MOST important areas to keep that Aloha in is intimacy.  If you are offended by talking about SEX, you need to stop reading today’s posting and come back another day.

When Alpha Hubby and I met and married (7 weeks later thankyouverymuch and yes, there is a miracle story there), we were not, oh, how do I say this, in our teens… or twenties… or – ENOUGH already – it’s none of your beeswax.  Suffice it to say, we were smart enough to say: “Let’s not lose this – that honeymoon feeling.” We’ve done pretty darn good, too!

I am a voracious reader and researcher. One of the most important things I learned is that men and women see intimacy and security differently.  Most women tend to feel secure when the money issues and home issues are in line.  When we know bills are taken care of and there’s enough, we feel safe.  (Especially when the phones aren’t ringing with bill collectors calling!!) 

They (whoever those so-called experts are) also talk about “nesting” – creating a safe place, a home where she can feel secure.  No, I don’t mean being “Mz. Housewife” so much as that feeling of security that she has a safe harbor to come home to.

Men – I’ve learned not just by talking to Alpha Hubby but also other areas of research – men have a security in and because of sex.  The intimacy, the act itself, the knowing that she trusts him, needs him, wants him.  When his woman is his cheerleader and thinks he’s “all that” he feels secure.  And trust me, a man knows when his woman doesn’t think he’s “all that” and that is a dangerous place to get to.  More women send their men totally unprotected, out the door into the world full of piranha women who’d love to steal him away.

As women, we need to understand there is far more to the sex act (and yes I know we like to call it “making love” – it’s just easier to say sex act while typing) – anyway, we need to understand there are far more ramifications behind that act than simply the physical act of sex.  If we understood its importance in and to our husband’s security, we’d protect that area far more than we do somethimes. 

We should NEVER allow our men to reach a point where it has been awhile that they’ve been… umm… without.  You’re messing with his security and your intimacy.  When a man feels secure, the entire machine of marriage runs much more smoothly.  When he doesn’t? That separateness happens.  Other things become more important than the two of you – his work, buds, car, boat, television, yardwork, whatever – anything but you.

This picture – THIS is marriage.  Sure kids come into the marriage, run through it and out the other side someday but THIS is what you are supposed to be protecting.  When THIS is in order, everything else falls into place.  When THIS is protected, when the kids grow up and leave the nest, you will have things to celebrate, not sit and stare at one another wondering who that person is that you’re living with.

I’m going to leave you now.  I need to call Alpha Hubby and seduce him verbally – let him know we have a hot date tonight, even if it is only in the pool!  I need to get some things in order and prepare, set the atmosphere, do my thing! 

That is one Peaceful Tip – intimacy takes a lot of work and preparation and planning.  It requires focus and the determination never to let it drop.  People, women especially, tend to think if it’s not spontaneous – sweep me off my feet big boy – it’s not romantic.  THAT gets more couples in trouble than anything. 

Spontaneous might be good but it’s often rare and I guarantee you, it’s not as good as a planned seduction is.  Anchor yourself in the real world and plan rendezvous, and never, ever, ever, ever, ever skip that date night (if that’s what you do).  Most of all, have fun with it – laugh, dance together, sing to one another, and remember what it is about him that caused you to fall in love!

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

OK, I know how that sounds – like I might be cheating on my diet – not! I am cheating on The Peaceful Life because I came across some brilliant advice about 10 Habits of Organized People.  It’s a great blog posting and I’m taking it!

So instead of going to ALL the trouble of creating a new posting about The Peaceful Life (which I will do tomorrow), I will steal someone else’s blog link to Stepfanie’s Time Out blog – check it out here.  I discovered her via a tweet on Twitter which came via The Lady Bloggers.

Then we also have Java over at Never Growing Old and her Meet Me Monday’s 12th Edition.  Check it out HERE.

This week’s questions are:

1. What is your favorite kind of potato chip?
2. Do you make your bed everyday?
3. How often do you go to the hair salon?
4. What do you dip your French fries in?
5 Do you shop with coupons?

1 – Cheeps?  I doan eat no stankin’ cheeps!  Dey are not on me diet, maties.  Oh, you want me to be open and honest?  Why?  OK, honesty forces me to say that yes, I do occasionally eat chips, especially when the Bistro is out of pommes de terre frites.  But of course, I don’t eat them either.

2 – Do I make my bed everyday?  What kind of SICK and TWISTED question is that??  I am a grown up.  I do not HAVE to make my bed and you can’t make me make my bed.  Nanny nanny boo boo.

3 – Hair Salon – *Sigh* – you HAD to remind me that I no longer have a long-term relationship with my former hairstylist.  You HAD to go and break my heart.  You HAD to remind me that I had to go to a STRANGER who gave me the nightmare haircut from hades, didn’t you??  It used to be every 3-4 weeks but I had to leave him.  He was too abusive.  He BURNED the back of my hair and didn’t tell me.

4 – I already told you I don’t admit to eat pommes de terre frites.  I could never admit that since I am focusing on getting back into my little black dresses.  But, of course, IF I did – and I’m only saying IF here – I might have used catsup or the occasional vinegar splashed on those crispy, moist, wonderus bits of hot greasy… *ahem* BUT I AM NOT ADMITTING TO THAT.

6 – Cow Pons?  NO.  I think years ago I tried it, once.  But all that searching for them, cutting, sorting, storing, pulling out of your handy cow pon holder in the store to hearing groans in line behind you – bleh.  I am too lazy to use them, thank you for asking.  Besides, they got in the way of reading the Sunday funnies.

So! There you have it, my brilliant and insightful answers.  If you don’t have a blog, go ahead and answer these super intelligent questions in the Comment section.  Inquiring minds need to know!

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

(This is part of an on-going series Momma’s Soapbox and I are doing on Keeping Our Inner Aloha/Peaceful Life. See here for the Aloha lowdown and here for the Peaceful Life reason!)

Have you ever taken a $50 and run it through the trash compactor?  Or churned it down the drain using the garbage disposal?  How about taking a handful of money and throwing it in your trash can?  No?  Well I have.

Oh, I haven’t literally taken the actual cash-money and done this but listen to this tale.  It is an on-going one in our household.

I decide to clean the freezers out.  I pull out several containers and zippered baggies full of unidentifiable frozen food objects.  I say to Alpha Hubby, “Do you have any idea what this is?”

His response is always, “No. What does it look like?”

Me: *Huff* of frustration.  

“If I knew what it looked like, I could probably figure out what it is,” I say showing, I believe, great patience.

“Well I don’t know what it is.  Why don’t you thaw it out and see?” he says, wisely.

So we do.  We leave all these containers and baggies in the sink or on the counter.  Much later we will come back to take a peek.

I say to Alpha Hubby, “Do you have any idea what this is?”

To which his response is always, “No.  What does it look like?”

Me: MAJOR *HUFF* of frustration.  

“If I knew what it looked like,” I respond very patiently, “then I could figure out what it is.  Why don’t you taste it and see?”

This brave man who used to say he had a cast iron stomach and could eat anything always replies, “I’m not eating that. We don’t even know what it is!”  

At this point the entire conversation spirals downhill pretty quickly.

Does this sound like a merry-go-round conversation to you?  Me, too.  And we have it every time I decide to defrost the freezer.  So all that food always ends up down the garbage disposal or sealed in the baggie and tossed out because we usually can’t figure out what it was.

When this happens I always think that I should mark the container somehow (ya think???).  I should become organized enough to buy those stickers or use one of my millions of Sharpie permanent markers.  I mean, how hard is that?  It’s NOT!

But I never do it.  Somewhere along the line, I failed Suzy Homemaker* 102, the class about organized freezing of foods.  And the one for sewing.  And the one for organized homes.  I am a Suzy Homemaker failure.  Oh, the shame.  My only excuse is that I am a crossroads generation – raised by the 50′s generation that believed in Suzy Homemaker and living in the 70′s that threw Gloria Steinem, NOW, and bra burning in my face!  I didn’t know who I was.

To save myself a lot of frustration and work next time, I’m just going to take the grocery money and throw it on the burn pile.  It will save a lot of time, trouble and merry-go-round conversations!

And you want to know why Momma’s Soapbox and I are starting a bi-weekly blog about being better organized when there are so many blogs about it out there???  We need it. Desperately.

Peaceful Tip:  Invest in a magic marker or Sharpie pen and write down, ON the container or baggie, the name of whatever food is in it.  Write the date, too, so you will know how long it has been in the freezer and then will understand why there is fuzz and green hair growing on the food.  It will make you feel oh so much better organized!

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

This is part of an on-going series Momma’s Soapbox and I are starting on Keeping Our Inner Aloha/Peaceful Life.)

Disclaimer: This posting is going to require Alpha Hubby to BITE HIS TONGUE and hold on to his fingers so he won’t comment and comment and comment.

I’ve been systematically getting rid of stuff for several years now. It isn’t that I had a lot of stuff. Really! It’s more that each time I did a pass through the house I’d decide to get rid of something that I thought I absolutely could not stand to get rid of just a month before.

I am a firm believer in donating. When I was a single parent, I lived in Salvation Army (SA). Back then, I had to and SA served me well. But it was so bad there was a time when my son said, “Oh NO! Please don’t tell me we’re going to SA again!” (And he was only 6!) I think the boredom of waiting while I dug through racks and piles and shelves looking for amazing deals gave him SA phobia. It is a testament to his strength that he is now a generous donator, too. I’m so glad I didn’t scar him for life back then.

You would think that after several years of donations I would have this amazingly organized, Zen-type house with no clutter or mess to deal with. Yeah, you would think that, wouldn’t you? It just ain’t so. And I don’t know why (and NO Alpha Hubby I do NOT need your input on this!). Truth is, I know but I am not going to tell-all today. You couldn’t handle it!

One thing that contributed to my delinquency is that I come from a long line of hoarders (& no that above picture is not a house I know, just from internet). My mom rinsed paper towels and dried them on the wood stove.  She had piles and piles of them she’d reuse until they just plain bit the dust.  She had every packet of fast food catsup and plastic wrapped plastic utensils she’d ever not used.  Dad was as bad with his nails, screws, boards, bits, pieces, parts, and whatnot.

The worst were the zippered baggies. We ALWAYS had to wash and reuse them – in the summer hanging them on the clothesline and in the winter, propping them open over glasses to dry. I SWORE when I could, I would THROW AWAY ANY BAGGIE I HAD USED WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING TO SEE IF IT WAS RELATIVELY CLEAN. It is freeing, I can tell you that. I do NOT reuse zippered baggies. Amen. That’s why you see so many in my new pantry. (Below, sadly, are only part of the boxes.)

 
Back to my non-Zen house. I am learning not to hoard. I am slowly learning to let things go and to give away anything I haven’t used in a year or 5. I THOUGHT I was doing a great job until we moved.

Why? Because as I unpacked I discovered everything I had saved and hoarded without realizing it. Take the zippered baggies. I thought I was out so purchased several. Then while unpacking, I came across the ones I’d packed up when we thought we were moving last year. THEN I also came across the ones I had stored in the laundry room in the old house. I don’t want to talk about it. 

This happened with all sorts of products – beauty products, cleaning products, candles (well, you can NEVER have too many of those) kitchen towels, and MORE. It has bordered on the ridiculous which is why Momma’s Soapbox (& her companion posting about this topic) and I decided to take a little journey into developing Better Me’s: get better organized and disciplined, simplify our lives, developing the “less can be more” concept, taking better care of our health, etc.

Alpha Hubby’s saying is, “There’s always another one.” I wanted to hit him when we were first married and he’d say that. It was usually after I lost a bid at an auction or something but I soon discovered, HE WAS RIGHT (please don’t tell him I said that).

The “organized theory” really is that if you haven’t used it or worn it in a year, GET RID OF IT. It may make you feel like you are giving away your first born child sometimes, but you can do it, sniffing and crying. It takes a while sometimes to get into the swing of it but it can be done.

I truly believe that Keeping Your Inner Aloha (see Momma’s Soapbox posting HERE) and living The Peaceful Life require organization and getting rid of excess.

So a little Peaceful Life tip is this: go through your house with an HONEST eye and start boxing up excess and things you haven’t used in awhile, if ever (yes, I had a lot of THAT, too – never used or new with tags still on it).  Remind yourself it is going to a good cause – helping those who can’t afford to shop at regular stores. Been there, done that and am so grateful for places like SA and Goodwill.

I’ll let you know a little more after I’ve finished unpacking and getting rid of as I do! I’ve had to really dig in and get rid of since this new place doesn’t yet have the storage capacity of the old place. It’s challenging but I finally had that epiphany – there’s ALWAYS another one and if I truly need it later down the line, I can buy a NEW one!

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved