The LBDDiaries.com Blog

So the other day I was minding my own business, folding towels and assorted things.  Suddenly I found a shirt that was stuck to one of the towels and pulled it off.

I thought it was Alpha Hubby’s gym shirt.  I then realized it was my shirt and it was a shirt that wasn’t supposed to go through the dryer.

“Well, crud,” I mumble.

“What?” asked AH from the other room.

“I just found a shirt that wasn’t supposed to go thru the dryer,” I reply.

“Well, what is it doing in the dryer then,” he asks, starting the male trek toward death.

“I must not have seen it when I put the clothes in the washer,” I reply.

“Well, if you had been more careful, it wouldn’t be in the dryer,” he tosses out, edging closer to death with each word.

I’m thinking, “What is the matter with this guy that he doesn’t value his life?”

He smirkingly continues, “I’m only trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help here.  There is no fixing this.  The shirt is shrunk,” stating the obvious.

“Bet you’ll be more careful next time, huh,” he says, laughing as he saunters down the hallway toward the bedroom.

*cricket cricket*

“You know,” I shout, “you’ll have to fall asleep sometime.”

*Snicker snicker*   “Yea right, babe, shaking in my boots here.”

“Grrrrrrrrr,”  a typical ending to most conversations a woman has married to an Alpha Male.

Because of Valentine’s Day, I got to thinking about the power of True Love.  It really isn’t magic but when you see it, it looks and feels like magic.  My parents were a perfect example of True Love.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Not a love this true
Common destiny – we were meant to be
Me and you

They didn’t marry until 12 years after high school, but my mom says she fell in love with him the minute she saw him.  Dad used to joke that he ran for 12 years and finally gave up – but he would say it with a special secret smile they gave one another when he said that.  The pix below are years apart (hers in 1944; his in 1966).

They were romantic, often breaking out in dance when my brother and I were growing up.  I loved watching my dad’s face when they were slow dancing.  There was never a doubt in my mind they were a romantic, madly in love couple even after 55 years of marriage.  I thought all parents were like my parents.

Like a perfect scene – from a movie screen
We’re a dream come true
Suited perfectly – for eternity
Me and you

After both my parents died, I was going through their effects and discovered each had saved romantic cards they’d received from each other over the years.  What surprised me is that the best ones (and most) were given later in their marriage.  Their love truly did get better and stronger as time went by, as evidenced by the little notes they hand-wrote in the card.  I felt I was a peeping tom looking at something intimate.

Contrary to all the negativity out there in the world, many couples are forever couples (like my friends Pamela and Eric) and work very hard to keep the romance and intimacy protected in their relationships.  They learned the secret that while it takes work to protect that intimacy, it is well worth it. 

Some people even get married right out of high school (like my friend Steph and her hubby Mike) and years later, are still madly in love and creating a wonderful life together.

Or like my son and his wife LeighAnn – after 5 years, they were married in 2010 in Vegas by Elvis thankyouverymuch.  They have so much fun together.  They play.  They laugh.  They fit like a hand and glove!

Alpha Hubby and I made a solemn promise to one another right after we married.  We promised not to become roommates.  We promised to keep the honeymoon going.  We promised that we would not allow what we had to fade and become stale.

Sometimes we have to slap our own faces and remind ourselves to put the other first, to keep that intimacy going, but it truly does just keep getting better and better. 

Everyday I live – try my best to give
All I have to you
Thank the stars above – that we share this love
Me and you

Alpha Hubby is incredibly adept at romantic gestures.  He wants to stop and dance.  He loves dancing with me.  He is always giving of himself for and to me.  He has learned a language of love that blesses me to hear.  Even after almost 18 years of marriage, he is able to take my breath away by how he feels and what he says.

He truly loves me and everything he does is for me and for us. 

The power of True Love is not just romantic gestures like sending flowers.  It is constantly letting one another know “you are so loved.”  It is believing in one another.  It is getting caught bragging about each other.  It is speaking words of life, positive words, over one another rather than pointing out each other’s faults.  It is in seeing that person as valuable and precious to you.  It is in keeping promises.  It is in not taking each other for granted.  True Love is far too rare to waste.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Just a precious few – ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you

Life is about True Tove.  It means you put your love for one another first, putting yourselves ahead of everything else.  Then you arrange that everything else around that precious love.  Then that everything else will work out from that point.  Never put anything else first ahead of each other – not children, not careers, not hobbies, not others.  The only thing more important than your love for one another is your love for God. 

You must nurture True Love.  Learn that rule.  Then go forth and Enjoy It.  Enjoy it more than just on Valentine’s Day!!

Baby, a few white hairs later (altho why yours is in your beard and mine is all over my head…), a lot of laughs, fun, joy, happiness, and True Love:

Every day I need you even more
And the nighttime too
There’s no way I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

And trust me, I don’t.  Ever.

.
Others to check out:

http://www.nancygrayce.blogspot.com
http://www.highheeledlife.com
http://www.myinnerchick.com
http://www.bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/
 http://www.thekeepingtime.blogspot.com/
http://www.wildchildmama.com 
http://www.cinfulcinnamon.com
http://www.classicnycstory.com
http://www.stardustsavannah.com
http://www.winsomebella.wordpress.com
http://www.gypsyroxylee.wordpress.com/
http://www.amysadventures.org
http://www.momentsofwhimsy.com

It’s kind of funny to feel like a very romantic couple, to post little tidbits of romance like you know what you’re talking about, to be held up as a standard by some, to be told “you guys help me know what real love is” – and then to have nothing to say during the “romance month” and Valentine’s Day!  It’s like (*horrors*) – I have no romance left in me!

Say it ain’t so, Joe!!

OK, it ain’t so.  I just can’t seem to find any words right now!  Well, there is a word – a cool word – a word they used to use in historical romances all the time to describe the hero.  Ennui (ahn-wee):

A feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety

The kind of ennui that comes from having too much time on one’s
hands and too little will to find something productive to do

Synonyms: blahs, doldrums, boredom, listlessness, restlessness,
tedium, weariness

Oh no, I am not talking about my feelings for Alpha Hubby.  I am talking about trying to find things “romantic”.  Things romance-related.  To find something DIFFERENT  that is romantic.  You know, like all the magazines suggest, “Keep your sex life and the romance kindled and hot-hot-hot!”  Blah.

Those people don’t live in the boonies.  Living in the boonies means you can’t dress up and go to the opera.  You can’t take a carriage ride.  You can’t even find an up-scale restaurant right around the corner…

 …(you know, the kind with linen tablecloths and CLOTH napkins, real silver, candles, and waiters that DO NOT introduce themselves to you with a, “Hello, my name is Bubba and I’ll be your waiter tonight and since I’m working my way through college and really need the money I am going to interrupt you many, many times tonight to make sure you are satisfied and will leave a good tip.”). 

You get the picture.  We have no place to go unless we want to drive over an hour plus to get there… which sort of stifles the romance when you also have to drive back home late at night without a limo and chauffeur so you can mess around in the back seat.  The lack of choices produces an unbearable ennui sometimes.  It is so exhausting to search for different ways to be romantic.  It means you have to THINK. 

It is so bad that I asked Alpha Hubby last Saturday night, “What are we going to do for Valentine’s Day?” 

He says, “I don’t know.  It’s on a Tuesday which makes it kind of hard to do anything.  What do you have in mind?”

I say, ‘Nothing. I’m not sure I want to do anything.  I mean, I don’t want to waste any money right now because I want that master suite addition done more than anything.  I don’t want us to spend money on each other.”

He says, “Yeah, I know what you mean.  It would be nice to have that finished.”

Then I began thinking, “Oh my gosh is the romance dead here?  Have we finally lost the honeymoon period after 18 years?  Are we doooomed?”

He adds, “We could go to Rivertown BBQ if you want.  So-in-so at work said it was the best.  I would be glad to take you if you want to go.”

I reply, “I’ve been there.  It’s okay but it is just a joint not a romantic restaurant or anything.  I think I remember the BBQ being very good, though.”

He says, “Well, it’s just a thought.  I would be glad to take you anywhere you want to go.”

I say, “I can pick some BBQ up and bring it home so we can eat here, on our beautiful table (that he made me), with candles and such.”  (Altho truth tell I am thinking, “BBQ is not romance food.”

He says, “No, that’s work on you and not romantic.”

Silence ensures.

I say, “Well, fine then.  Then we’ll do the usual.  Just come home and we’ll share a glass, romantic music, candles, and have wild, hot sex.”

He says, “Works for me.”

And they say romance is dead!

. 

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I’d be lost and so confused
I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it’s just impossible
Because of you, it’s all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can’t imagine me without you

Hello goils!  I’m baaaack.  Didja miss me?  I missed you… for awhile.

Today’s post will be quick, just a check-in to say ‘yes, I am alive’ and ‘yes, there were some incredible lessons and changes’.  In later posts, I’ll let you know the really good, the morbidly bad, and the monstrously ugly of unhooking from the internet.

I have to say that although I knew in my head that it would be good to take a month off from blogging and internet stuff, I was really not prepared for the application of it.  At. All.

This was sort of a blind test although I did have some knowledge based on the article by Christie Glascoe Crowder over at http://typeaparent.com/going-off-the-grid-planning-and-surviving-a-digital-sabbatical.html.  I honestly didn’t think it would make that much of a difference.

I was not prepared to discover the addiction I had actually developed, not only to blogging, posting, reading – but also to surfing, shopping, and researching.  And the withdrawal symptoms I had to go through?  Good grief.  And the agony of how much I failed in the first week.  Oh, OK, the first week and a half.  And how disgusted I became with myself.  And while I did not crawl into a corner to rock and whimper through withdrawals, t’was bad enough.

I was also not prepared for all the wonder, awe and blessing I discovered by doing this.  I re-learned the art of taking time to enjoy scents, sounds, textures, views, and heartbeats.  I listened to the wind shush through the trees, loving the icy sound.  I noticed the brilliant colors of a sunrise and soaked them in.  I rubbed the nap on my diva faux mink throw that I use when sitting in the living room, and really enjoyed the softness.  I realized that the sunsets sometimes look like the world is on fire (pix above from my front yard). 

It is like I became more aware of what was around me, not realizing at all that I’d forgotten how.  

Alpha Hubby was gone two weeks of the 4 ½ weeks of January.  I discovered that I missed the quiet sounds of him.  Tinkering in the kitchen before he goes to bed at night.  Breathing softly beside me in the dark.  The humming sound he makes when he reaches out and touches me as he sleeps.  The sqeech sound the floor makes when he slips out of the room in the morning.  I do not sleep well when he is gone.

I missed the scent of him.  Burying my nose in that special place under his ear, in the nape of his neck, to inhale his special fragrance mixed with his cologne.  The fresh air bouquet he brings inside when he comes in from working outside.  The faded cologne scent on his shirts and pillow kept me company.

I do not think I realized how much I hear him without realizing it.  And as much as I love smelling his nape, I took it for granted.  It had all gotten lost in the noise of life.

It isn’t necessarily the internet itself so much as how much it can suck life out of us.  It is like we stop taking time to realize what is going on around us because the internet world becomes more real than the real world.  There are precious things of value disappearing in the busy-ness of our life. 

I discovered a lot of that busy-ness is not necessarily necessary. 

Busy-ness causes you to miss your real life.

Is it just me or did 2011 just zip by?   I’m kinda of feeling like I missed something!  What do you think 2012 will bring to you?  It really is YOUR choice, you know.  It isn’t that we are magicians who can pull miracles out of a hat but we can bring about changes. 

We live self-fulfilling prophecies all the time through the words of our mouth.  Words like, ‘I always get sick this time of year” or “I am never going to get ahead in my life.”  “Money sure goes!  There will never be enough to pay all my bills.”   How about, “My kids are driving me crazy; they’re never going to do right” and “You’ll always be this way.” 

Worse are the “too’s”,  “I am never going to accomplish anything with my life because it’s too or I’m too  (fill in the blank).   Suggestions?  It’s too late.  I’m too old.  I”m too young.  I’m too broke.  It’s too hard.  Even worse?  I CAN’T.  And you would be absolutely 100% right.

I think that every year, no matter how many times we’ve been proven wrong, we actually dream of and believe that we just might be able to do better this time, this new year.  We harbor private hopes that things can change.  We want to believe that resolutions work or that this time, we will keep them.

We dream of a fresh start.

Well GOOD NEWS!  I’m here to tell you that it is NEVER, never, never, ever too late.  NEVER.  Each and every one of us can make changes to make our lives better.  Even the most negative of Grinch-y people can change.  No one is exempt.  Change is possible for every. single. person.  Amen.

Of course if you SAY, “I don’t believe that.  Forget it.  It won’t happen for me” – you are absolutely right here, too.  It won’t.  Believe it or not, being positive draws good things to you.  Being negative draws negative things to you.  

Dare to believe – to have hope and keep the flame of it burning bright.  Never give up on yourself.   Never stop dreaming BIG.  If you make up your mind that you WILL make changes and you WILL enjoy your best year ever, you WILL.  You will find little things in your life that can lead to big changes.  You will find yourself looking for the positive, looking forward, and changing your own attitude and, dare I say?  Destiny.

We really do live lives full of self-fulfilling prophecies, bad or good.  And these are the ONLY lives we get here on earth.  You’d think we’d take better care of ourselves!  Quit following others and their way of doing things.  Don’t listen to those who nay-say you or your deam.  Keep away from toxic relationships!  Make choices just for yourself.  Your life is exactly what you make of it.

On that note, I am going offline for the next month.  30 big ones.  Thirty days. Thurty long daze.  It’s all the fault of Christie Glascoe Crowder who posted an article over at Type-A Parent:

http://typeaparent.com/going-off-the-grid-planning-and-surviving-a-digital-sabbatical.html

She posted the article after she went “off the grid” for a month and is creating an e-book of her experiences in a few weeks (January sometime).  I can’t wait to read it. 

Similar to her points, my thought process is to establish, for that month the following:

No blogging (posting or reading) – I tremble as you read
No engaging in social sites (Twitter) – Ditto
No surfing the web (including shopping) – full blown panic attack

All my writing, note-taking, and ideas will be done by hand with pen in my paper notebooks (thank goodness that I have a huge pile of both). 

I unsubscribed from all my digital newsletters, RSS feeds, and blogs.  I will return to the blogs (had to write down their web addresses) but I don’t need the temptation popping up every time I check my bank account or pay a bill!

As Christie pointed out,  this time period is a “full system overhaul, starting from within.”   

I have a support system in my friend Steph from over at Momma’s Soapbox.  We both began working on our Aloha lives in 2010, (her link for Aloha) (mine is HERE)  and want to build on that this coming year in more specific and powerful ways.

So do I think this is going to be a breeze?  Oh ha.  Heck no.  I have the queasy’s inside.  I actually am very nervous about unplugging myself.  But I have to do this, for me. 

I have to plug back into my life and my “self”. 

And isn’t that a wonderful way to begin a New Year?  It’s all right!  Have a good time, cause it’s all right, oh, it’s all right!!

Miss me a little bit, OK??

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

~ Frank Outlaw