The LBDDiaries.com Blog

Is it just me or did 2011 just zip by?   I’m kinda of feeling like I missed something!  What do you think 2012 will bring to you?  It really is YOUR choice, you know.  It isn’t that we are magicians who can pull miracles out of a hat but we can bring about changes. 

We live self-fulfilling prophecies all the time through the words of our mouth.  Words like, ‘I always get sick this time of year” or “I am never going to get ahead in my life.”  “Money sure goes!  There will never be enough to pay all my bills.”   How about, “My kids are driving me crazy; they’re never going to do right” and “You’ll always be this way.” 

Worse are the “too’s”,  “I am never going to accomplish anything with my life because it’s too or I’m too  (fill in the blank).   Suggestions?  It’s too late.  I’m too old.  I”m too young.  I’m too broke.  It’s too hard.  Even worse?  I CAN’T.  And you would be absolutely 100% right.

I think that every year, no matter how many times we’ve been proven wrong, we actually dream of and believe that we just might be able to do better this time, this new year.  We harbor private hopes that things can change.  We want to believe that resolutions work or that this time, we will keep them.

We dream of a fresh start.

Well GOOD NEWS!  I’m here to tell you that it is NEVER, never, never, ever too late.  NEVER.  Each and every one of us can make changes to make our lives better.  Even the most negative of Grinch-y people can change.  No one is exempt.  Change is possible for every. single. person.  Amen.

Of course if you SAY, “I don’t believe that.  Forget it.  It won’t happen for me” – you are absolutely right here, too.  It won’t.  Believe it or not, being positive draws good things to you.  Being negative draws negative things to you.  

Dare to believe – to have hope and keep the flame of it burning bright.  Never give up on yourself.   Never stop dreaming BIG.  If you make up your mind that you WILL make changes and you WILL enjoy your best year ever, you WILL.  You will find little things in your life that can lead to big changes.  You will find yourself looking for the positive, looking forward, and changing your own attitude and, dare I say?  Destiny.

We really do live lives full of self-fulfilling prophecies, bad or good.  And these are the ONLY lives we get here on earth.  You’d think we’d take better care of ourselves!  Quit following others and their way of doing things.  Don’t listen to those who nay-say you or your deam.  Keep away from toxic relationships!  Make choices just for yourself.  Your life is exactly what you make of it.

On that note, I am going offline for the next month.  30 big ones.  Thirty days. Thurty long daze.  It’s all the fault of Christie Glascoe Crowder who posted an article over at Type-A Parent:

http://typeaparent.com/going-off-the-grid-planning-and-surviving-a-digital-sabbatical.html

She posted the article after she went “off the grid” for a month and is creating an e-book of her experiences in a few weeks (January sometime).  I can’t wait to read it. 

Similar to her points, my thought process is to establish, for that month the following:

No blogging (posting or reading) – I tremble as you read
No engaging in social sites (Twitter) – Ditto
No surfing the web (including shopping) – full blown panic attack

All my writing, note-taking, and ideas will be done by hand with pen in my paper notebooks (thank goodness that I have a huge pile of both). 

I unsubscribed from all my digital newsletters, RSS feeds, and blogs.  I will return to the blogs (had to write down their web addresses) but I don’t need the temptation popping up every time I check my bank account or pay a bill!

As Christie pointed out,  this time period is a “full system overhaul, starting from within.”   

I have a support system in my friend Steph from over at Momma’s Soapbox.  We both began working on our Aloha lives in 2010, (her link for Aloha) (mine is HERE)  and want to build on that this coming year in more specific and powerful ways.

So do I think this is going to be a breeze?  Oh ha.  Heck no.  I have the queasy’s inside.  I actually am very nervous about unplugging myself.  But I have to do this, for me. 

I have to plug back into my life and my “self”. 

And isn’t that a wonderful way to begin a New Year?  It’s all right!  Have a good time, cause it’s all right, oh, it’s all right!!

Miss me a little bit, OK??

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

~ Frank Outlaw

As you may know (obviously), I’ve now been married 17 years 8 days.  And I’m here to tell you, those 17 years 8 days have been:

Phew.  When I think of my life with Alpha Hubby these past years, I can honestly say that there is a place a couple can “live” that makes an ordinary marriage pale in comparison.  It is beyond my wildest dreams and imaginings.  Most hope for, but few discover, this place we have worked hard to reach.  I am a blessed woman.  Then again, I waited 12+ years for this Knight so I sure didn’t want to miss out on the fun, romance, hot, hot, hot… that is why we work hard to keep this marriage grounded in what drew us together – true love.

Alpha Hubby is a haven for me.  He offered me sanctuary in his arms 17 years 8 days ago and I took it.  Nobody did it better.  Heck, no one had ever been a sanctuary for me, much less loved me like he does.  I’ve never looked back, not one time. 

In his love, my heart is I not only safe, protected; I am known and understood in a way no one else on earth has accomplished.  He is a total man and makes no apologies that he wants to take care of and protect me and our family.  He is very old fashioned and I’m here to tell you – phew, baby!  And don’t get on a high horse either ’cause he was drawn (and still is) to my abilities, independence, and strength.  In truth, it takes a strong woman to “handle” a strong, tendency-to-dominate man.

There is something special about a man who gives unconditional love.  He amazes me with the simplicity of it.  He just flat out loves me.  One of his favorite lines to me is, “I’m not that deep.”  This is usually in answer to some wild hair I’d get thinking he might be thinking I’m thinking he’s thinking something bad about me.  You know, one of those “we think too much” thoughts we women can get into sometimes.  Those thoughts that lead us to imagine our guy is spending the same amount of time thinking about the same thing – and no, men aren’t really made that way (haha, baby).

I digress.  After I quit smoking and got sloppy watching my weight, thinking I’d never gain simply because I didn’t smoke any more – ha! – I began the journey back into my Little Black Dresses.  I have about 15 of them in various sizes.  I will get into the Size 9 by December (yes it is sparkley!).   It is going to take more serious effort than I’ve actually put in since I began this blog – been doing a lot of research, learning and talking, not doing.     

One reason I am sticking to this journey and NOT giving up is Alpha Hubby.  He is a man beyond what I ever dreamed of meeting and loving.  He’s been an amazing support in any endeavor I’ve tackled and believes in me so strongly, I sometimes think he is blinded by bias.  He has never made me feel fat (altho I am) but I know deep down in his secret heart, he’d like to have back the woman he married.  He’s done that for me, worked at being the best he can be for me. 

I am learning to eat to live, not live to eat.  Every time I break a sweat (and I HATE to sweat), I do it for him (since I obviously wasn’t going to do it for myself).  I found some old pictures of myself at goal weight that I’m keeping before my eyes to remind me where I’m headed.  I can do this.  I can, I can, I can.

I can’t wait until I can wear a bathing suit again.  And I am not going to say the politically correct things people are supposed to say when they give their reasons for losing weight.  I am losing weight to make hubby proud of how I look. 

When I get on the other side, look out!   And yes, I know that I have to be doing this for ME in order for it to really work.  But when I do it for him, I am doing it for me, too.  Sometimes there is nothing more hot that slammin’ up against the wall… **x (I’m sorry, I had to remove the real word because all of a sudden I was getting all sorts of porn spam).  What? You don’t know married people do that?  Well we do.  It’s not just in the movies, y’all! 

It is so much easier if he can lift me, knowwhatImean?  No?  TMI?  Oops, sorry.  Then ignore these last few sentences.  But if we are going to be honest here, we know excess weight affects that area in so many ways, not just physical (how about FEELING good about yourself half-nekkid?).

We are one and by golly, half of us needs to look and be a little less bulky!

“Cause baby?  You ARE the best and nobody does it better… and all that that implies.

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Pamela over at Road to Joy, has posted her Non-White Diet and that post and the comments are chock full of great information – go check her out!

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Nobody Does It Better, Carly Simon

(I’m working on shutting down my other website/blog and bringing the files and posts to this blog & corresponding website.  I am using a few of those posts here until I’m done unpacking and reorganizing my house and website!)

What’s in a name?

My name is not unique.  It was heartbreaking when I was younger to learn that my name came from a can of vegetables.  Apparently, there used to be a brand called Nancy Lee.  Isn’t that just sad?  I wanted to be named some exotic non-ordinary name.  My pregnant mom wanders through a grocery store and finds my future name on a can of green beans in the vegetable aisle?!

When I was a sophomore in high school, we again moved to a new town.  I had a chance to reinvent myself.  Our class had several “Nancy’s” in it, so when it came to signing up in each class, I cut off the “cy” and became “Nan.”  That was many moon’s ago – more than I’m going to share with you, nosy.  Needless to say, I’ve been a Nan longer than I was ever a can of vegetables… errr – Nancy.

I’ve been Nan so long, I don’t even recognize myself as a Nancy and if I were walking down the street and someone hollered out “Hey Nancy” I’d never realize they were talking to me.  It sounds too foreign – even the IRS sent my forms each year to Nan.  My inner name is Nan no matter what people call me on the outside.  It is ingrained to the point that no one can take it away from me.

So what actually is in a name?  Our identity.  The name we are comfortable with is what is important and no one can take it away from us, even if they refuse to call us by our name.  Even more important is that who we are is tied up in our inner name.

It’s like when someone called my son stupid in elementary school.  He’d come home, full of indignation and said, “MOM! So-in-so called me stupid!”  I’d say, “Well, are you stupid?” “Well, nooo,” he’d reply, “NO, I am not stupid.”  So then I say (isn’t this fun?), “Well I guess that makes so-in-so a liar, huh!  And we never believe what liars say, right?”  Light bulb!  “Ohhh, right!,” he’d reply, then go on his merry way, satisfied.

So what are you calling yourself?  (well, you knew there was a point to this post, right?) 

Is your inner voice calling you… stupid?  A failure?  disorganized?  overweight?   slow?  depressed?  stressed?  fat?  dumb?  poor?  ugly?  incapable?  a mess?  You are the only one who can change your name, inside and out, just as I did in waaaay back in high school.

Sure, you may have to fight others to make them accept your new name, but you can do it – and you can ignore them! 

It is a fact that we become what we believe inside and what we call ourselves, inside and out.  When you are talking to yourself (what? I’m the only one??)… when we are talking to ourselves, what do we say?  We mess up something and we say “Oh ______” - what?  What do you say?  “Oh you dummy?”  “Man, you are so stupid!”  “What a screw up?”  “I must be losing my mind?”  “I can’t ever do this right!”  “I’m never going to lose this weight!”  “Nothing ever works for me.”  “I am SUCH a loser!”

Our inner voice is far stronger than we know and believe.  No matter what someone calls us on the outside, our inner voice is the one we really believe.  Trust me.  When Alpha Hubby used to say, “You look beautiful” I’d make this raspberry sound, because really?  My inner voice knew I didn’t look beautiful.  It frustrated him to no end.  To him I was beautiful and he didn’t like that I didn’t believe him.  But even if I did look beautiful, my inner voice said, “Nah, look at that or look at this” – something that made me feel ugly.  Zit, wrinkle, pudge, high forehead – whatever.

I think we should make a decision that from today forward, we are going to work on this.  We are going to begin by making a determination to only call ourselves positive names – ones we need to believe – ones we want to be.  It takes practice.  It takes tuning our ear to hearing what we really say about ourselves.

HI!  My name is Nan.  My name is also organized.  My name is healthy and fit.  My name is thankful.  My name is joyful.  My name is disciplined.  My name is wealthy.  My name is successful.  My name is complete!  My name is “wow am I an excellent organized disciplined amazing housekeeper!!” (Ha! Hahaha)…. ok I’ll have to work on that one.

JOY is becoming the best you can be – and it starts right there, inside you!

*What’s Your Name, Don and Juan
A Boy Named Sue, Johnny Cash

Sometimes being overweight means we might tend to “let ourselves go.”  It is as if there is a switch inside us that gets turned off and we develop this “Why bother?” attitude.

Often when we look in the mirror and see how we look, it can seem hopeless.  Why bother with a beautiful haircut when we are so overweight underneath the haircut?  Why bother searching high and low for plus-sized clothes that look good when it is a near-impossible task? 

One thing I’ve learned is that no matter how much weight we have to lose, it is VERY important to take care of ourselves.  We really need to get the best hairstyle, color and cut possible.  Maybe take the time to put a little makeup on, even if it is only mascara.  So what if everything we own is black because we know it is more slimming than anything else?  Add some color through jewelry or scarves.  Really feel better wearing all black?  Get the classiest outfits possible.

Before giving up on colorful clothing, look to the “slinky material” that can be forgiving.  Try Vikki V sold at www.plusbydesign.com (http://www.vikkivi.com/testimonials.html)).  There is http://distinctionsplus.com/vikki-vi-distinctions-shells.html.  Try CitiKnits sold on www.QVC.com.  Or one cool place: http://www.fashiontofigure.com/ for something totally different and awesome. 

In a sense, it does not matter how we got to where we are in life right now.  It doesn’t matter how many pounds we have to lose.  If we don’t deal with the inside, the outside will always cause trouble!  That outer shell – the overweight one – is subject to change.  The problem with being overweight – with obesity – is that we can lose all the pounds we need to and our inner self will still feel fat and unworthy.  Left un-dealt with, the pounds will most likely come back. 

By taking care of our inner beauty, we will be less likely to fall back into old habits and gain the weight back.  Learning to love ourselves is not always easy but it is necessary.  And truthfully, this is true across the board – not just with overweight people.  Everyone needs to like themselves, inside! 

Look in the mirror and say to that person in the mirror, “You know what?  You are a great person.  I’m sorry I haven’t taken good care of you before now but that is going to change.  You are worth taking care of and from now on I am going to take very good care of YOU.”  Then we need to actually forgive ourselves for mistreating our only body. 

Every morning before you brush our teeth, look yourself in the eye in that mirror and say, “You are worthy of love and I love you.  I will take care of you.” 

Sure, you will feel silly at first but it doesn’t matter.  Keep it up.  It is important to change how you see yourself inside.  Your inner voice is THE most important one over what everyone else may say. 

So let us stop letting ourselves go.  Today I want to say this to you:  YOU are important.  Once you figure that out, you’ll lean more toward taking better care of yourself!  YOU are worth it.  YOU are a gift to this world and there are gifts inside you needing to be shared with others.  Someone somewhere needs what YOU have to give and share.  

Remember, taking care of yourself and knowing that you are important and you are worth taking care of is a huge part of changing the mindset about obesity.  We can all get to a weight and size that brings us peace – it begins inside.   

YOU are worth taking care of.  

You are worth being treated right – by YOU.

While I’m focusing on my 49-day journey challenge, I will be pulling up some older blogs and reposting them.  If I do that, I will put “redux” in the title!  Any additional changes will be in italics!

So I finally dug out my new electronic food scale* and my new handheld calorie counter (which I have done again today, 11/26/2010).  I think I was putting off opening my new toys because if I opened them, I was going to have to make a commitment I wasn’t ready to make.  If I don’t do anything else here at Little Black Dress Diaries, I need to at least be honest with myself.

I think I knew in the back of my mind that I wasn’t going to like the results of weighing my food and entering my REAL food and drink consumption into a hand-held computer that won’t cut me any slack.  I didn’t like it.  I had been wondering why, when I’d been logging my food and eating healthier than I ever have, I was either stuck at this weight or fluctuating up and down 1-2 pounds.

Well I found out why.  OUR EYES LIE TO US.  Our stomach will follow our eyes, too.  Our stomach is not a leader, it is a follower.  If our eyes say, “THAT is simply not enough food,” our stomachs will agree and whine accordingly until we eat more.  And guess what?  I was stuck at my weight because I could no longer SEE the truth about how much food I was eating even after cutting back.  What used to be a normal (slender-person) meal for me had slowly grown to where I could no longer see that I was eating too much. 

I think if you took two of your normal dinner plates (another entire blog post**), set them side by side and ran a little test, you’d be astonished how much food you’ve been eating.  Before you eat your next regular meal, take on eplate and put on it the servings you usually eat.  DON’T CHEAT and try to fool yourself.  Be honest.  On the other plate, place the servings of what guidelines say is a healthy and right portion size for your body.  Prepare to be surprised.

The “right for you” plate looks like there isn’t enough food on there to live on.  Yet the truth of the matter is that it takes very little “fuel” for our bodies to operate and function perfectly.  It is when we gorge on food that we create trouble for our bodies.  They will begin to fall apart and function incorrectly.

So as I was entering my food choices into the counter last night, I was getting feedback from the comic section in my house – Alpha Hubby.  “Hey,” he said, not realizing how close he was to a beating, “they need to make that machine say, ‘Oh ha ha, who do you think you are kidding? Put in what you REALLY ate, why don’t cha?’  It would be more accurate then!”  Or “Maybe they should have it say, ‘You are eating way too much; stop eating so much, tubby.’”  AND he is grinning at me while he’s making these suggestions.  Death wish.  He has a simple death wish.

So you want the truth?  Overweight people can no longer visualize proper food portions, yet we keep trying.  See, if we don’t face that our portion sizes are out of whack, we don’t have to change anything.  It’s just another lie we’ve told ourselves over the months and years of gaining weight.

Invest in a food scale – find out how much (or little) 3-6 ounces of lean beef really is.  Find out a serving of cheese is a joke (in our present mind-set) (and, by the way, an ounce of cheese is the size of two dice.  Really).  Make yourself measure everything – at least test it for one week – and discover what real portion sizes really are.  It is part of that mind-renewing I talked about.  You have to make your mind (eyes) REALLY see what is right portion sizes.

Retraining your eyes and mind takes time but in the end, you will see better results if you will do this!

*You don’t have to spend a lot of money on a scale; they have very inexpensive ones at Wal-Mart and K-Mart.  I have one that worked just fine but I never used it, obviously!

**The obesity rate in Italy and France is almost 70 percent lower than in the U.S. Why? Because “their standard plate size is still 10 inches,” says Alex Bogusky author of “The Nine Inch Diet”, compared with our USA size 12

Read more:  http://www.nypost.com