The LBDDiaries.com Blog

Summertime
And the living is easy
Fish are jumping…

I left the Alpha Son in the picture so you could get an idea how big these fish were.  Major YUM too.  Alpha Hubby and Alpha Son caught some Alpha Phish a couple of weekends ago.  Yah hoo! 

I realize that it is far easier to eat healthy in the summertime than any other time.  The garden is spitting out fresh tomatoes and squash, and I can get anything else I need at the Farmer’s Market.  It is so easy to grill up some catfish (well, it is easy for Alpha Hubby, ho ho) and cut up some fresh tomatoes – which are so sweet they make you realize why they are a fruit and not a vegetable – and ta-daa!  You have a light dinner, low in calories, high in taste.

I am actually craving fresh veggies and fruit.  Don’t get me wrong, I love a good grilled steak, but now I really am craving broccoli instead of smashed potatoes.  Not always, but most of the time.  So I guess there is no excuse now not to eat healthy… if I will just keep away from THESE:

Yes, I began craving Snickerdoodles last week.  But I’ve changed.  I am not the same woman I was a few months ago.  I did not make up the cookies, eat half the raw dough, bake up the rest, hide them and nibble on them until they were all gone.  Nope.  I ate a spoonful of dough, two normal round cookies, and part of a giant one I made when I lost the patience for making them individually.  I put them all in a baggie, froze them and pushed them off on Alpha Son the next day.  I got them out of the house, albeit with tears running down my face.  (OK, not really) 

And I know they won’t come back for a visit so I am not going to be able to blow my journey into my LBD sky high.  I am so glad I was good and didn’t binge.  Really.

I miss them.

  But I really, really am glad I have change my bad habits into good habits.  And soon I won’t even make the cookies in the first place – at least not until I reach goal weight!

Oh there are so many foods I could sing that 1975 Linda Ronstadt song to: 

Feeling better, now that we’re through.
Feeling better ‘cause I’m over you.
I learnt my lesson; it left a scar
Now I see how you really are…

You’re no good – you’re no good – you’re no good.
Baby, you’re no good.

I was feeling nostalgic this past weekend when I saw Jiffy Pop Popcorn at the store.  I didn’t even know they still made those.  For the uninitiated, Jiffy Pop was a tin pan (it’s now hard plastic) with a tinfoil insert and a handle.  You put the pan over the hot element of your stove and it will pop the tinfoil up into some alien looking round blob full of popped corn.  I thought I’d try one (and no, I didn’t read the ingredients or check the calorie count.  Leave me alone!!).

I had no idea how much my taste buds have changed.  I had NO idea how SALTY it would taste since I switched to unrefined sea salt.  The popped corn felt stale and tasted like… I don’t know what.  It was awful to me.  After a couple of small bites, I ended up throwing it away.  It isn’t the fault of Jiffy Pop – it is that I am changing.

I AM feeling better now that I’m through with certain foods.  Like I told Alpha Hubby, “Man, getting chemical free has ruined my eating choices!  Everything tastes bad!”  Mentally, it is a very sad thing.  I almost feel down saying good-bye to foods I used to mindlessly eat without thought.  Physically, it is a very good thing.  I FEEL so much better. 

And in case I hadn’t “learnt my lesson” all I have to do is eat those foods and my body immediately reminds me.  Refined white sugar?  Joints ache.  Refined white flour?  I wake up feeling stuffed up like I have a cold.  Some foods cause indigestion.  Some give me a headache.  I gotta tell you, eating healthy is so much better.

And while broccoli is NOT the new chocolate, I do like it a lot now.  It’s weird.

   www.littleblackdressdiaries.com

On this journey back into my Little Black Dress, I have developed some strange relationships.  I don’t know how to explain it.  I guess it is possible that it is unexplainable.  Some things do seem to defy explanation. 

Take my new love.  No really, take it!  I’m confused so maybe you can figure it out.  I NEVER thought much about this item except to get it raw and dip it in some high calorie buttermilk ranch dressing.  It wasn’t a diet item when eaten that way.

Then something strange happened.  I steamed it and the more I ate it with my grilled chicken, the more I began to crave it.  I don’t know what it’s all about!  Why would I start craving something that is good for me?  And even if I try to ignore it and leave it alone, there doesn’t seem to be a cure for this new love.  I think about it so much now that I have a freezer full.  Lovely bags of fresh frozen.  Yum!

HEY!  I THINK I LOVE YOU!

I don’t know what I’m up against
I don’t know what it’s all about
I’ve go so much to think about
Hey! I think I love you!
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I’ve never felt this way

(1970 The Partridge Family)

   www.littleblackdressdiaries.com

Some girls like to run around

Like to handle everything they see

But my girl has more fun around

And ya know she’d rather be with ME

Me oh my lucky guy is what I am

Tell you why you’ll understand

She don’t fly although she can

Some boys like to run around, they

Don’t think about the things they do

But this boy wants to settle down

And you know he’d rather be with you

There, that is the whole song from the previous blog.  It’s by The Turtles from 1967.  And I had to add a Part Deux ‘cause the whole time I was writing the other blog, I was thinking, “Nah, instead of cookies, I’d rather be with: 

That is why I got back up on the elliptical today although my mind, body and self were all in total agreement that this was a very awful idea.  Thing is, my heart said, “You know you’d rather be with him and you know he’d rather be with you so let’s get to crackin’!”

Yep, the truth wins out.  I am on this journey for nefarious reasons that have nothing to do with self-esteem or being healthy or feeling better about myself.  Nope, it’s all about the…

sex

Heh heh heh.

Oooo, he’s gonna kill me.

  www.littleblackdressdiaries.com

Like to handle everything they see

But my girl has more fun around

And ya know she’d rather be with

ME!!

(1967 Song by the Turtles*) I used to like to run around, handling everything I saw!  I loved hitting farmer’s markets, bazaars, and the like.  But now I really do not like going into town for anything and not just because I’ve gotten to be such a homebody that it is HARD to get up the desire to go.  No, sometimes I have errands I can’t get out of – like getting my hair turned from a rat’s nest back into something more normal looking. 

Then, too, Alpha Hubby does like food on the table once in awhile so I have to go to the grocery store for things like fresh fruit and veggies.  Oh yeah, and bank deposits. So there are days I have to run around town.  It is a dangerous time and place for me.  If I don’t prepare in advance, town is fraught with temptations that can take my journey back to Day One.  It is WAR.

There are hidden temptations like the new deli on the corner.  There are blatant ones like the cookie and cracker aisle at the grocery store.  Or Alpha Son who lives in town and is always up for a lunch date with his mom, as long as she is paying.  And he can eat anything; I can’t.  I can’t even walk into the bookstore because I’d have to walk past cookies, chocolate, and high calorie fake coffee drinks.  Not worth the hassle.

Who knew a simple trip to town could turn into an obstacle course when you’re on a journey to get back into your favorite little black dress? 

If I prepare – eat before I leave the house – I’m usually just fine.  No unexpected things jump into my shopping buggy saying, “Ooooh, take me home. I want to go home with you.  Pleeeeze??”  I can even turn down the evil gnome in the grocery store who asks, “M’am, would you like a free sample box of our new cookies that will add so much extra padding to your hips, you’ll never get it off?”

Do you know that your car has a mind of its own and can turn into a fast food parking lot on its own volition?  Well, it’s true.  I certainly didn’t plan to pull into the parking lot of that “Voted Best Hamburger of 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008” joint.  But yay me, I pulled right back out again.  Not because I had great self-control but because it was so crowded I would have been standing in line forever.  Hey, I’ll take anything help I can get!

It’s really strange because a simple trip to town ends up being a long drawn out weight loss discussion with myself for the entire 35 miles into town and 35 miles back home again and all stops in between.  The bank that is across the street from taco heaven.  The grocery store sitting in the middle of food row.  Do they plan these things when they lay out the building design?  “Oh, let’s sit this bank down right here in the middle of fast-food haven.  That way people will use our bank because you know everyone goes to fast-food haven.”

By the time I get home I am so exhausted with the tension of turning away from all temptation that I never want to go into town again.  My throat is dry from all the, “No, Nan, you know you don’t want to eat that right now.  It would blow your diet sky high.  Why not go home and eat a healthy salad?”  The dry throat really comes from the demonic growling sound that comes out of my mouth, “Baaaack off. I will eat that if I waaant to.”  At least my head doesn’t turn around so I can vomit out green pea soup into the back seat.

Yep, no one said this journey back into my Little Black Dress was going to be super easy.  Interesting, different, challenging, and HEY! Is that my son? Grabbing my freebie box of cookies?  HEY HEY – put that down, boy!!!!  I’m still your mother!  It is none of your business if I’m not supposed to be eating those right now… Nooooo!  Let gooooo!!!

    www.littleblackdressdiaries.com - *The Turtles, Rather Be With Me (1967)

Each time I see you again!

This was a great hit sung by Patsy Cline.  Too bad too many times this is how we feel about food.  At least I have.  It reminds me of Alpha Hubby, too.

He used to tell me not to put small currency money in his wallet because each time he walked by the vending machine, Suzie Q’s would call his name.  And when they whispered, “Buy me. You know you want me.  Buy me, buy me NOW!” so he would say, “Yessh, Mawster” and then his diet would fall to pieces.

Oh yes, I can relate.  I didn’t gain all this weight by being whole and sound.  Nope, there were many foods I fell to pieces over.  I just couldn’t walk away.  I couldn’t forget.  I couldn’t pretend we’d never met.  And I tried and I tried but I just couldn’t get over the foods that caused me problems.

My life was a country-western song!

Ah, but I’m better now.  Really.  It helps tremendously that the foods that used to cause me to fall to pieces are no longer in my house.  I can’t tell you how much it helps me that the foods I shouldn’t be eating right now are not in the house.  No matter how hard I search for those bad-to-the-bone foods, I can’t find them.  I’ve tried to find some little tidbit of something sweet or something salty or something BAAAAAD – but it’s all gone.  *Sigh*

That really was good advice.  Today, right at this very minute, I am grateful.  Really. 

The lyrics to the 1971 Staples Singers song go like this:

Respect yourself, respect yourself

If you don’t respect yourself

Ain’t nobody gonna give a good cahoot, na na na na

Respect yourself, respect yourself

A good cahoot – what a great word.  It’s like you almost know what it means by implication.  Whatever it is, the point is clear – if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

After I began the Little Black Dress Diaries blog, I met a girl who seems to be all out confident. I believe she said she needed to lose about 100 pounds, but she has very healthy self-esteem and really likes herself right now.  She doesn’t like weighing too much for her body’s frame, but the extra weight doesn’t cause her to hate herself.  Losing the weight will mean a lot of things to her, but it sounds like “liking herself more” isn’t one of them.  That’s a good thing.

I like that about her because that is one very important thing to have or develop now while working on a journey back into a Little Black Dress.  You really do have to respect yourself NOW.  Unfortunately, too many people who feel they are overweight totally disrespect themselves.

Have you ever noticed that with famous people, no matter how much weight they had to lose, once it was off, they were no longer penalized for being overweight?  Before, the magazines made fun of them, took pictures of their bellies and published them all over the place.  The famous people were mocked for not being “Hollywood Perfect.”  There is so much public disrespect that we are trained to believe we must weight a certain number in order to be respected.

Let that same famous person lose the weight, and ta da!  They are rewarded.  After losing weight, it is as if the person had never been overweight, and they were now praised and treated in a totally different manner.  No wonder so many women in that industry have body-issues.  No wonder we all believe we must weigh a certain amount before we are worthy.

I read something the other day that stated, “…anytime you believe you NEED something – whether eyeliner or a cocktail – to feel better, it’s worth looking at why.”  The same thing would apply to losing weight.  If you believe you NEED to lose weight before you are a better person, before you are somebody special, before you like yourself, or before someone else is pleased with you, then there is a deeper problem than simply losing weight.  I believe that once the weight is off, you will find there may be deeper concerns you need to address.

I am on a journey back into my favorite Little Black Dresses.  This IS a journey.  It is a lifetime commitment for me to live a healthier lifestyle.  It isn’t about being perfect or being a perfect number on the scale.  It is about enjoying life, enjoying my beautiful LBDs and it is about being healthy.  BUT it for sure isn’t because I don’t like myself.  I may not like the excess weight, but I like ME.  I don’t need to lose this weight in order to be a better person.  I need to make healthier choices so I can live a long, productive life. 

If you have joined me on this journey, make sure that you are doing it for the right reason.  Otherwise, you set yourself up for failure and man, that will kick your self-esteem right in the bootie (no matter how big or small it is!).  Make this journey about being healthy – or even about wanting to walk into any store on earth and being able to find something to wear without hassle. 

Just respect yourself on this journey!

   www.littleblackdressdiaries.com

So, I finally got on the scale and *phew* discovered I was one pound under where I was before the binge-light started.  I am glad I didn’t get on the scale sooner just because I would have been so upset with myself.  I had already noticed that the week prior to getting back on the scale, I really didn’t like myself.  I was disappointed in my choices and myself.

You know, it just doesn’t do to get upset with yourself.  It isn’t good to kick yourself for a perceived failure.  It is wrong to fuss at yourself and chastise yourself and be mad at yourself and criticize yourself and be unhappy with yourself and moan and groan about how stupid you were and, in plain, be your own worst enemy. Stop that . There are plenty of people around you who can do that for you. YOU need to be your own BEST cheerleader.

In order to get back into our Little Black Dresses, we need to support ourselves, really support ourselves. We need to continually believe that we can eat right, exercise, drink plenty of water, AND really know that we can do it. If you don’t believe in you, why should anyone else?

It may take a lot of practice, this being on your own side for a change. It might take reminding yourself continually, “No, I don’t speak that way anymore, I am now going to speak well of myself.” Keep it up, day in and day out. Get up saying, “I can do this.” Go to bed saying, “I can do this.” Keep it up, keep it up, keep it up, until you finally BELIEVE what you are saying.

Start being on your own team. Don’t allow any negativity around you from anyone, but especially from yourself.  Even if you are the only one on your team right now, YOU are the most important person you have to convince, not everyone else.  YOU CAN DO IT.  I KNOW YOU CAN!

Go team, go!!

Rah rah rah!! 

www.littleblackdressdiaries.com