So… a Father’s Day blog about Alpha Hubby.
Alpha Son has been out of the house a few years now. We see him often enough to enjoy him (and his beautiful wife) but the paradigm has shifted. Now it’s “fun, fun, fun ’til her daddy takes the T-bird awaaaaaay nekkid house!!” Sorry.
Now Alpha Hubby is an amazing father. But he isn’t my daddy (yeah, yeah Hon, I know “who’s my daddy, now” – and you know that’s not what I’m talking about). Anyway, he isn’t MY daddy.
One thing we talked about when we were getting to know one another after our whirlwind meet-greet-marriage was that we didn’t want to get on the other side of raising Alpha Son and be like so many other couples who live separate lives in the same house. Or wondering who that stranger is sitting across the table without kids to run interference. I waited so dog-goned long for him to swoop down and scoop me up and set me atop his white steed while he was wearing his knightly shining armour, that I didn’t want to waste time simply being a mom. I’d been a mom. A single mom. For 11 years. I loved being a mom. But.
After Alpha Hubby and I married, I wanted a lover first ’cause you know that saying? No? Well I’ll tell you:
“The most important thing a father can do for his children
is love their mother.”
- Theodore Hesburgh, American Priest
So we talked. We talked about our needs, desires, wants, hopes, and dreams, and how we can help one another fulfill them. He talked about the importance of rendezvous, fooling around, carnal knowledge, making out, heavy petting, necking – all synonyms for a word I won’t type because spammers hit my blog like crazy with nastiness if I do but it ends in an “x”.
Suffice it to say, those rendezvous were – and are – very important to him (and most men, if they are honest). Very, very, very, very, very important. Because you know what? He didn’t marry a mother. He married a woman he was attracted to, in love with, and wanted.
So we set the parameters of our relationship, most importantly that we came first, then parenting came after that. If we didn’t protect the “we” the parenting kind of gets messed up, too.
So… Alpha Hubby likes rendezvous. I mean REALLY likes them. Back when Alpha Son was home, we worked to find time just for us every day. We may not always reach the end-results of a rendezvous – oh, please. You are all old enough to know what I’m talking about.
Anyway, intimacy isn’t just the end-result. It is everything that gets you there, even if you don’t “get there” that particular time. You will. Intimacy is accumulative, it builds up and it keeps him knowing he’s your hero, your number one, your IT.
And after all these years, I know one thing for sure. As long as Alpha Hubby knows he is #1 in my life, all was well in our Casa. The only time things go sideways will be when we have things out of whack for whatever reason. I might get too focused on something else. He might get into remodeling the house and not come up for air.
When we put our focus on something other than each other, the intimacy diminishes. I don’t say it is easy to keep that focus laser sharp. It takes work and effort but are so vital to a healthy relationship. When the intimacy diminishes then everything begins to separate. That ugly distance begins to develop between you… and it needs to be stopped right in its tracks before it gets its claws into the relationship ’cause who the heck wants to be roommates?
So we have spent our last 19 years learning how to keep that focus on one another. We worked on it while raising Alpha Son until he moved out into his own life. We worked on it when times were tough. We worked on it when parents and sisters and bothers moved on to heaven. We worked on it when times were not tough. And we continue to work on it to make it even better than ever.
Yep. That intimacy is another area one needs to continue to grow in so it never gets stagnant. I might write a post sometime about some of the things we did and do to keep the intimacy fresh and smokin’ H-O-T. But the important point for Father’s Day is to remember to keep that intimacy on the front burner no matter what else is going on in our life.
It may be Father’s Day but he is still a man, the one desired, wanted, loved, and cherished.
So Alpha Hubby were chatting the other day. We are always chatting. One of our favorite topics to talk about is intimacy. Any form. Talking about talking about it. Talking about increasing it. Talking about doing it. Talking about protecting it. Talking about likes and dislikes. Talking.
So I asked jokingly, “So, what if I’m not in the mood?”
He swiftly replied, “I’ve got rope, baby.”
He does. It’s red.
Happy Father’s Day. Guess what gift Alpha Hubby is getting?