The LBDDiaries.com Blog

Is it just me or did 2011 just zip by?   I’m kinda of feeling like I missed something!  What do you think 2012 will bring to you?  It really is YOUR choice, you know.  It isn’t that we are magicians who can pull miracles out of a hat but we can bring about changes. 

We live self-fulfilling prophecies all the time through the words of our mouth.  Words like, ‘I always get sick this time of year” or “I am never going to get ahead in my life.”  “Money sure goes!  There will never be enough to pay all my bills.”   How about, “My kids are driving me crazy; they’re never going to do right” and “You’ll always be this way.” 

Worse are the “too’s”,  “I am never going to accomplish anything with my life because it’s too or I’m too  (fill in the blank).   Suggestions?  It’s too late.  I’m too old.  I”m too young.  I’m too broke.  It’s too hard.  Even worse?  I CAN’T.  And you would be absolutely 100% right.

I think that every year, no matter how many times we’ve been proven wrong, we actually dream of and believe that we just might be able to do better this time, this new year.  We harbor private hopes that things can change.  We want to believe that resolutions work or that this time, we will keep them.

We dream of a fresh start.

Well GOOD NEWS!  I’m here to tell you that it is NEVER, never, never, ever too late.  NEVER.  Each and every one of us can make changes to make our lives better.  Even the most negative of Grinch-y people can change.  No one is exempt.  Change is possible for every. single. person.  Amen.

Of course if you SAY, “I don’t believe that.  Forget it.  It won’t happen for me” – you are absolutely right here, too.  It won’t.  Believe it or not, being positive draws good things to you.  Being negative draws negative things to you.  

Dare to believe – to have hope and keep the flame of it burning bright.  Never give up on yourself.   Never stop dreaming BIG.  If you make up your mind that you WILL make changes and you WILL enjoy your best year ever, you WILL.  You will find little things in your life that can lead to big changes.  You will find yourself looking for the positive, looking forward, and changing your own attitude and, dare I say?  Destiny.

We really do live lives full of self-fulfilling prophecies, bad or good.  And these are the ONLY lives we get here on earth.  You’d think we’d take better care of ourselves!  Quit following others and their way of doing things.  Don’t listen to those who nay-say you or your deam.  Keep away from toxic relationships!  Make choices just for yourself.  Your life is exactly what you make of it.

On that note, I am going offline for the next month.  30 big ones.  Thirty days. Thurty long daze.  It’s all the fault of Christie Glascoe Crowder who posted an article over at Type-A Parent:

http://typeaparent.com/going-off-the-grid-planning-and-surviving-a-digital-sabbatical.html

She posted the article after she went “off the grid” for a month and is creating an e-book of her experiences in a few weeks (January sometime).  I can’t wait to read it. 

Similar to her points, my thought process is to establish, for that month the following:

No blogging (posting or reading) – I tremble as you read
No engaging in social sites (Twitter) – Ditto
No surfing the web (including shopping) – full blown panic attack

All my writing, note-taking, and ideas will be done by hand with pen in my paper notebooks (thank goodness that I have a huge pile of both). 

I unsubscribed from all my digital newsletters, RSS feeds, and blogs.  I will return to the blogs (had to write down their web addresses) but I don’t need the temptation popping up every time I check my bank account or pay a bill!

As Christie pointed out,  this time period is a “full system overhaul, starting from within.”   

I have a support system in my friend Steph from over at Momma’s Soapbox.  We both began working on our Aloha lives in 2010, (her link for Aloha) (mine is HERE)  and want to build on that this coming year in more specific and powerful ways.

So do I think this is going to be a breeze?  Oh ha.  Heck no.  I have the queasy’s inside.  I actually am very nervous about unplugging myself.  But I have to do this, for me. 

I have to plug back into my life and my “self”. 

And isn’t that a wonderful way to begin a New Year?  It’s all right!  Have a good time, cause it’s all right, oh, it’s all right!!

Miss me a little bit, OK??

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

~ Frank Outlaw

(Pardon my redux, slightly updated.  I pulled out [and revamped] a post from 2010.)

Okay. I know I chat a bit about Alpha Hubby.  Oh, OK, I chat a LOT.  And yes, in case you haven’t noticed, I am absolutely one hundred percent head-over-heels, over-the-moon wild about him.   There’s a reason.

Let me digress a bit.  Long before I met Alpha Hubby, loooooong before (what took you so long to find me, baby??), I’d done some studying, learning, changing, realizing what was important, what wasn’t, observing, growing, and growing up. 

I also did a lot of listening.  I used to listen to the women at work talk about their husbands.  I used to listen to women at Ladies Group (Bible study) talk about their hubands.  I used to listen to friends, store clerks, and near strangers talk about their husbands.

And when I say that what these women were not saying, “Oh, he is THE best man ev-ah!!”, I’m probably understating it.  I’d listen to women put their husbands down, talk about his faults, what irritates them about him, how he messed up (like they are so perfeft), everything he does wrong, and personal details that should never have been shared in public.  It was a total lack of respect and honor. 

I swore to myself that if I ever met a Knight In Shining Armor, I would make sure a day doesn’t go by that he doesn’t know I love him.  I would protect what we have together.  I would cherish him (even in the face of dirty laundry).  I would honor him.  I would respect  him.  I would never expose him to public scrutiny in a negative way.  No gossip, no “sharing” and, for sure, no bad-mouthing.  Ev-ah.  I made up my mind to do long this before I met him.

When you consider how long I waited for this KISA (12 years), I was certainly not going to waste any part of our life together.  Oh my gosh, I’d had enough drama in my life before I met him that I swore I would NEVER EVER live like that again.  And along comes this man who loves me!  He loves me!  He’s not afraid to show it.  I love him.  I’m not afraid to show it.  I like gagging people.  I love how he loves me!  And I absolutely refuse to allow one day to go by where he does not know how much I treasure his love.  I thank God for him.

We’ve been married 17 years, 9 months, 4 weeks today.  I only grow to love him more as each year passes.  He is my best friend and support.  He believes in me.  He is the first and only man to send me flowers.  He gives me everything I need.  And if it is within his power, he gives me everything I want and desire. 

Of course, I, in turn, do not want and desire things.  I want and desire him.  He is crazy about me!  And I can honestly say to you that not one time in 17 years, 9 months, 4 weeks have I ever bad-mouthed him to another person on this earth.  Ever.  Oh, I might have talked to myself but…

We work very hard to protect our marriage.  We do not speak badly about one another to others.  We hash out everything and even tho I’m sure he wants to pinch my head off sometimes, in 17 years, 9 months, 4 weeks, I think we only went to bed mad at one another one time – sometime 16 years ago.  It was no fun.  We didn’t like it.  We decided not to do that again.

He is strong, a man of honor and unwavering in what is right and what is wrong.  He is a man of God and is beyond my wildest dreams.  He’s got my back at all times.  AND he even does the dishes and sometimes clears out the dryer, folding the clothes AND not just because he’s on the hunt for socks.  AND He vacuums.  I know!!

I am his biggest cheerleader and he is mine.  I believe in him totally.  I believe in his dreams.  And sure, there are times we holler – well, I do.  He sulls up.  We learned that we don’t like that, either.  We decided not to do that again, either.  We work to keep the poison out of our marriage.  We don’t spend time alone with the opposite sex, or have intimate conversations with them about anything. 

Today I decided that I wanted to do a tribute to Alpha Hubby.  I wanted to publicly thank him for loving me like he does.  He makes my world a better place with his powerful love.

I want to thank him for working hard to support this family and allowing me the freedom to be home to write and pursue my dreams.  I want to thank him for getting up every morning 5 to 6 days a week to go to that job.  I want to thank him for the work he does in our home, creating dream rooms for me.  I want to thank him for the passion we have together (BOY! Do I want to thank him for THAT!).  I want to thank him for the unconditional support he has given me while I am on this journey to get back into my Little Black Dress.  UN-CONDITIONAL.  His heart burns for ME (and it’s not indigestion).

I’m so glad I tangled up my life and dreams with his! 

Baby, I love how you love me.  You do an excellent job!

There are a lot of blogs aimed at or written by younger mothers who blog about their children.  I think that is wonderful.**

But this isn’t one of them.  I’m from the other side.  The dark side.

I am here to tell you something.  Shhhh. It is a very well kept secret.

There are definite benefits to having your children moved out of the house.  OK, there are major benefits to having your children moved out of the house.

You have reached a different stage of enjoyment with your kids. You are blessed to be able to see “who” they have become.  Alpha Hubby and I love  that our son is also one of our best friends (along with his wife and their friends).

Be that as it may, after he moved out (and my short heart-aching meltdown), it didn’t take long to realize the benefits.  I looked over at Alpha Hubby and we shared a very sly grin together.  Helloooo, baby!

I was blessed to have a mother who warned me to take care of business so that when Alpha Son was out, Alpha Hubby and I would still know each other. She warned to protect our relationship so we didn’t look at one another after 17 years and think, “WHO is this person?”

The best years ever as a couple are those after you have finished the years of raising children.  I know each stage of your child is wonderful and you never stop loving and praying for them.  But you let them go to spread their wings to fly or hit a wall, their choice. You are there IF they need you but your focus has changed.  No.  That’s not true.  My focus has always been on Alpha Hubby, but I was also mom.  It isn’t the same during as it is afterward.  “Mommy, why is the door locked?”  No, it never happened but it could easily have!

You can now get back to the business of chasing one another around the house.

Alpha Hubby and I didn’t get that when we married. He took on the responsibility of Alpha Son and I believe Alpha Son would not be who he is today were it not for Alpha Hubby. He is the one who completed the manly-man training.  I mean, I have to blame someone for this:

So anyway, my point is that there is more of this under the tree and less little metal cars:

We will sit in front of this on Christmas eve and share what we love about one another:

There will be this:

And some of this:

And lots of this:

And…

…well, needless to say, that simply is NONE of your business!

No matter what stage you are in your life, ENJOY it.

Oh, and the title?  Well, it caught your attention didn’t it???  HO HO HO!!

Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree – for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight -0 de dum de dum dum da dum….

**Not to imply that mothers who blog about their children can’t do these things, too.  I know they do, thru experience.  I’m talking about once the kids have moved out of the house and you’re free to run wild without embarrassing interruptions.

(Look Babe! Your Worst Nightmare)

How do I describe Christmas at our house?  It is not the normal peaceful candle-lit home with Christmas music wafting out of speakers high up near the ceiling.   Not the normal simmering potpourri on the stovetop.  No children nestled all snug in their beds ’cause they are at their own house, doing their own thing.  Except for fixing the food.  Then they pack their lazy booties into their car and travel to momma’s house and…. *Ahem*  Please excuse the digression.  Allow me continue.

Not the normal stockings except one pretty, sparkly “DIVA” one and all I want is chocolate in it, filled to the brim.  But no chocolate if the fire is crackling in the fireplace.  And if there are any more creatures stirring, I don’t wanna know about it.  They should all be gone or terminated by now.  ZAP and Merry Christmas to you, you little buggers.  BLAH Hum-mouse.

NO sugar plums since we don’t eat sugar like that.  And if I did eat sugar plums and they were dancing in my head, I’d seriously be wondering what I’d been drinking.  Any clattering on our lawn would mean the cows got out and are making a run for it, so no.  It is not what some would call the norm for Christmas at our house.

Nope.  At our house we have CHRISTMAS MAYHEM.  Murder most foul.  Slaughter and chaos.  Threats of brutality and violence.  Total and one hundred percent WAR.  Each and every year.  WAR! Hunh! good God, ya’all… what is it good for?  Absolutely somethang… if I win!*

You ask “Why? Why at this most sacred of holidays are you at war?”  Well, I’ll tell you why.  It is so sad and it is over something so innocent, so pure, so fragile that I am sure you will be as horrified as I am by the evil perpetrated against these sweet things (on some, click on pix to see larger image, then hit the BACK arrow):

 THIS above is how I know God is into snowmen
Praising & Praying Snowmen

We don’t have peace on earth because of HIM.  I mean, gee – this is only a few of my snowmen.  And I don’t know why I feed his rage.  I guess there is just something inside me that is a wee bit… shall we say warped?  Sort of like poking a stick at a big old bear!  Heh heh heh.  I would say I’m sorry but I can’t.  It wouldn’t be true.

I’m not even half as bad as I used to be.  Last year I gave away at least half my stock to a women’s shelter.  Does that stop his whining and threats of violence?  Nay!  He dreams of hanging them by their little scarves then letting me walk in and find them.  He wants to take a blowtorch to them.  I’ve even heard rumors of chain saws and snow shovels.

I say that it is just WRONG.  What did a snowman EVER do to him?  Is it that he could never build THE perfect one when he was a child?  Did his sisters keep knocking his snowman over?  Did one fall on him?  Or poke its carrot nose where it didn’t belong?  WHAT?  WHAT would cause such animosity in this otherwise nice decent guy?

We may never know.  And the war continues even though I’ve been really good.  I promised I’d only buy new ones if they were unique, hard to find or irreplaceable.  In other words, I am not allowed to go to K-M*rt and raid the Christmas aisle.

But… YOU can!!  Yes, Virginia, there is a solution.  If you want to join me in driving Alpha Hubby Christmas Nuts, you can mail me an unusual snowman.  Wouldn’t that be the best way to spread Christmas cheer?  Bwahahahaha!!! 

Oh OK, just kidding.  Really, hon!  Don’t read any further, OK???  (To everyone else, if you send me an email or say in the comment, I’ll let you know my address… hee hee).

I’ll leave you with a little link that is Jake singing (there is an Elwood but I don’t have his pix yet; these reference the movie The Blues Brothers).  He’s singing “I’m A Snow Man” just for you – sung to the tune, “I’m A Soul Man.”  These are my fave two snowmen – and Alpha Hubby even enjoys listening to them (so he’s not all bad – Alpha Hubby, not Jake).

http://www.plushzone.com/sounds/snowman.mp3

(It requires Quicktime so you may not be able to hear it)

p.s.  Lest you think my Alpha Hubby is totally evil, he purchased the two snowmen sitting in the middle of the first snowmen picture when he was in PA on business.  He REALLY loves me, beyond snowmen.  That’s a lot.

*Reference to the song WAR by Edwin Starr (or those of you who saw RUSH with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker)
.

(Quotes from The Princess Bride movie, official site)

Westley:  Hear this now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup:  But how can you be sure?
Westley:  This is true love – you think this happens every day?

Westley:  I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?
Buttercup:  Well… you were dead.
Westley:  Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.

So I am sure you’re thinking, “Huh?  Am I in church today or something?”  No, no.  Just sharing a scripture because one day I dug out some other translations of that chapter and discovered that these verses truly express the love Alpha Hubby has for me.  His love never fails me. 

Just like the quote above from The Princess Bride – a wonderfully warm, funny, touching movie with twist on a classic fairy tale of true love — true love just doesn’t happen every day. 

Alpha Hubby has shown me what unconditional love is.  I never dreamed I would experience it in my lifetime.  He shows me true love – the kind that doesn’t happen every day – the kind death cannot stop.  His love manifests like this:

He is patient.
He is kind
He is not envious
He does not have a high opinion of himself, especially over me
He is not arrogant
He is always fair – if he is wrong, he admits it
He doesn’t EVER put himself first or only think of himself
He doesn’t insist on his own way all the time
He is absolutely not quick to anger – and if he gets angry, he is also very quick to forgive
He is never resentful
He doesn’t keep a record of wrongs done to him
He is always supportive, loyal, faithful, and trusting
He never gives up on me
He always believe the best in and of me

How can I not love this man?  Love is… “the arms that are holding you” - his love never fails me.

Baby, thank you for asking me to marry you when you didn’t even realize you were going to.  I’ve never regreted one day.  Not for even a moment.  

I never knew.  Now I do.  And I’m so grateful I waited for the best.

.

Lyrics – Love Never Fails, sung by Brandon Heath:

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way,
The truth, the life

Love is the river that flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

**WARNING-WARNING**

**LOUD OBNOXIOUS BIRTHDAY MUSIC **

*CLICK ON LITTLE RIGHT ARROW TO GO TO NEXT SONG*

OR 

*JUST TURN IT DOWN OR PAUSE IT ON PLAYER* 

Yep.  It is my big bad-boy Alpha Hubby’s birthday today (November 23rd).  He’s the big $*#& – what? You thought I was going to tell you?  No, no.  I value my life a wee bit too much.  But it’s a B*I*G* one – B*I*G*.  H*U*G*E*.  A milestone.  One that I would love to razz him about but… mine is coming so I have to be good.  Oh, it’s not that bad.  I just had to slightly razz him.  He’d wonder what I was up to if I didn’t do a little bit.  Oh, OK – I’ll tell you.  He’s 18.

17 years 8 months and 19 days ago, Alpha Hubby and I were married.  It has been an amazing journey and I am so grateful to be sharing this walk with him.  I put 18 candles on his cake because as far as I’m concerned, his life wasn’t worth *bupkis until he met me.  Otay?  Otay!

It sure has been full of wonder.  Through the not so nice slightly tight times, amazing times, better and best times, I’m so glad it’s been with you.  Wowzers, baby! 

So Alpha Hubby, for your birthday, I’m putting 13 songs on the Player just for you (list below).  Some of them are your favorites.  Some are just silly birthday ditties.  Any of them you don’t wanna hear, just click on the next song, turn it down by using the slider and your mouse, or turn it off by clicking on the Arrow (which pauses it).  Some (like Bad to the Bone) can get obnoxious so you can just go to the next song!  A couple are… not nice.  They are supposed to be funny.

You already know what you’re getting for your birthday (sly grin).  Hurry home and unwrap me… oh, errr, um, it!  Unwrap IT.  And this time your cake might have more than one shredded carrot in it, but I can’t promise.

And I’m really glad you’re bad to the bone, just for me.  You make everything groovy.

—————————

*bupkis (uncountable) – absolutely nothing; nothing of value, significance or substance

List of Songs

– # Title Artist –

1 Bad To The Bone George Thorogood

2 A Happy Happy Birthday Song Arrogant Worms (really strange song)

3 Seven Spanish Angels Willie Nelson

4 Little Red Riding Hood Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs

5 Your Man Josh Turner

6 Come a Little Bit Closer Marty Robbins

7 I’d Love To Lay You Down Conway Twitty

8 I’m A Believer The Monkeys

9 Wild Thing The Troggs

10 You Don’t Mess Around With Jim Jim Croce

11 Go with Me Josh Turner

12 Stuck On You Lionel Richie

13 Happy Twistin’ Birthday Big Daddy

Sometimes songs are so perfect.  Someone else wrote the words and music, but they perfectly describe what you are trying to say about or to someone.

I can see it in your eyes
You’ve had a long day
Let’s lock the doors
Pull down the shades
Turn some music on
Pour a glass of sweet, red wine
Let the candles burn
Put your hand in mine

One thing Alpha Hubby loves to do is slow dance.  It is very romantic to put on music and slow dance in the kitchen… dining room… living room.  Anywhere the impulse hits one of us.  He is a very romantic man.  He was far more romantic when we met than I was, but I’m learning, more and more.

Dance with me,
Don’t say a word, just dance with me.
Let the world outside disappear,
Baby, what we got here
Is all we need
Dance with me

It’s so funny because as most of you know when we met, he really didn’t know how to dance.  I told the story of how he wanted to be able to dance with me at an office party we had to attend.  If not, it’s HERE (if you do it now, be sure and pause the song otherwise it will play on the other page, too).  Alpha Hubby was such a smooth slow dancer than evening.  We didn’t want to do anything else – just dance to the slow ones.  I know we fogged up the floor.

I kiss you goodbye
In the early morning light
Sometimes I don’t get home
’till it’s cold and dark outside
But baby here we are
we’re together all alone
We’ve finally found a moment
We can call our own

He leaves early to go to work and gets home late, 12-13 hours later.  Every morning, he kisses me goodbye.  He quit for awhile a few years back and my days just didn’t go right.  I told him he can’t neglect me like that.  It is an addiction to me, being awakend by his kiss.  Since then, he’s never ever forgotten.

Dance with me,
Don’t say a word, just dance with me
Let the world outside disappear
Baby, what we got here is all we need

Those times when we dance, we really are alone, in a cocoon and the world outside disappears.  What we have together is all we need.  He always tells me that if we lived in the middle of 1000 acres, we’d be fine with only one another.  He works to make us work.  He is always looking to better himself for me.  He is my best friend.  He is the only one who has my best interests in mind at all times.   He is a gift from God.

He loves me.  He wants to dance with me.  I am thankful.

So the other day Alpha Hubby and I were having one of our deep, important discussions.  Oh OK, truth is, I was talking and he was pretending to listen intently.  He’s really good at that.

I was telling him about an author of the romantic suspense novel I was reading (oh and you know this was of burning interest to him).  I explained how I really liked that the author carried main characters over into each subsequent novel.  One set of characters you meet in one novel will show up in a small way in the next novel.  This is especially nice if you liked the characters and wonder what happened to them.

What I really liked about the author, I explained, was that she showed the previous couples as still being passionate toward one another, even after time has passed, and even after having children.  The couple would still sneak off in the middle of a party to lock themselves into the library for a little tryst.  They still looked at one another across a crowded room.  They still held hands and still made time for one another.  They still carried on as if they were madly in love.

He grunted a “huh” to show he was listening.  He’s good at that, too.

“It’s really nice even if it is just fiction,” I went on, “because it seems that in real life so many women are busy putting their children and everything else first.  They have a baby and don’t come up for air for 17 years.  It is as if the husband doesn’t exist anymore except as an afterthought.   Sometimes on a blog, I’ll check their ‘About Me’ section just to see if they are even married.   You’re always first in my life and Alpha Son came out okay.  He knew he was well and totally loved by both of us.  Wonder why so many women make that mistake?”

He said, “Well, I’m sure their men are in the background somewhere, hoping to be noticed again someday.  Hoping they might be going to get some somehow, somewhere, some day.  Thinking maybe they’ll be first again.”

“Um, yes, exactly.”

Leave it to Alpha Hubby to get to the bottom line of most men’s thought process.

“Well anyway,” I continued, “that is why I like this author.  She always shows the characters as maintaining the passion and love, putting one another first.  What’s so funny is that people think this isn’t real – that this type of love really is fiction.  They act like you can’t sustain the passion and romantic attitude after being married for awhile.  They act like things like that are unrealistic.  Yet we do it.”

“Well, that’s because we are unrealistic.”  He then grinned at me.

“I never thought about that, but you may be onto something.  We are unrealistic according to some people.  Oh, they make the excuses like, ‘well, your kid is out of the house now’ or ‘you only had one kid’ or whatever…”

He interrupts, “That is just an excuse.  People make excuses when something isn’t important to them.”

“You’re right.” 

“And besides,” he continues, “I’m gonna be first in your life or else.  You got that, woman!?”

*Sigh* I love when he goes all Neanderthal on me.

The rest of the conversation really should be taken behind closed doors.  No peeking!