(This is part of an on-going series Momma’s Soapbox and I are doing on Keeping Our Inner Aloha/Peaceful Life. See here for the Aloha lowdown and here for the Peaceful Life reason!)

So Steph and I made the decision to keep, as she says, our inner Aloha – to become Better Me’s and improve our lives in every area.  To me, one of the MOST important areas to keep that Aloha in is intimacy.  If you are offended by talking about SEX, you need to stop reading today’s posting and come back another day.

I saw a hysterical but sad joke on Java’s Never Growing Old website this morning – and I stole it borrowed it because it said it all.  I don’t know where she got it or who to credit for it, but I would give them credit if I could – here it is:

I realize that this picture is probably as true or more so for younger couples (at least younger than the ones portrayed in this joke).  There is something that some women don’t seem to understand but never fear!  I’m here to enlighten you!

When Alpha Hubby and I met and married (7 weeks later thankyouverymuch and yes, there is a miracle story there), we were not, oh, how do I say this, in our teens… or twenties… or – ENOUGH already – it’s none of your beeswax.  Suffice it to say, we were smart enough to say: “Let’s not lose this – that honeymoon feeling.” We’ve done pretty darn good, too!

This particular posting will touch on what I want to share.  I’ll have to do a couple more to have more details on the “how” we do what we do (no no, get your mind out of the x-rated gutter. What do you think I’m talking about, you shameful hussies???  I’m talking about the “how” to keep focused, not *ahem* other things).

I am a voracious reader and researcher. One of the most important things I learned is that men and women see intimacy and security differently.  Most women tend to feel secure when the money issues and home issues are in line.  When we know bills are taken care of and there’s enough, we feel safe.  (Especially when the phones aren’t ringing with bill collectors calling!!) 

They (whoever those so-called experts are) also talk about “nesting” – creating a safe place, a home where she can feel secure.  No, I don’t mean being “Mz. Housewife” so much as that feeling of security that she has a safe harbor to come home to.

Men – I’ve learned not just by talking to Alpha Hubby but also other areas of research – men have a security in and because of sex.  The intimacy, the act itself, the knowing that she trusts him, needs him, wants him.  When his woman is his cheerleader and thinks he’s “all that” he feels secure.  And trust me, a man knows when his woman doesn’t think he’s “all that” and that is a dangerous place to get to.  More women send their men totally unprotected, out the door into the world full of piranha women who’d love to steal him away.

As women, we need to understand there is far more to the sex act (and yes I know we like to call it “making love” – it’s just easier to say sex act while typing) – anyway, we need to understand there are far more ramifications behind that act than simply the physical act of sex.  If we understood its importance in and to our husband’s security, we’d protect that area far more than we do somethimes. 

We should NEVER allow our husbands to reach a point where it has been awhile that they’ve been… umm… without.  You’re messing with his security and your intimacy.  When a man feels secure, the entire machine of marriage runs much more smoothly.  When he doesn’t? That separateness happens.  Other things become more important than the two of you – his work, buds, car, boat, television, yardwork, whatever – anything but you.

This is another picture I found somewhere and have NO idea who to credit – but isn’t it HOT???  This is marriage.  Sure kids come in, run through it and out the other side someday but THIS is what you are supposed to be protecting.  When THIS is in order, everything else falls into place.  When THIS is protected, when the kids grow up and leave the nest, you will have things to celebrate, not sit and stare at one another wondering who that person is that you’re living with.

I’m going to leave you now.  I need to call Alpha Hubby and seduce him verbally – let him know we have a hot date tonight, even if it is only in the pool!  I need to get some things in order and prepare, set the atmosphere, do my thing! 

That is one Peaceful Tip – intimacy takes a lot of work and preparation and planning.  It requires focus and the determination never to let it drop.  People, women especially, tend to think if it’s not spontaneous – sweep me off my feet big boy – it’s not romantic.  THAT gets more couples in trouble than anything. 

Spontaneous might be good but it’s often rare and I guarantee you, it’s not as good as a planned seduction is.  Anchor yourself in the real world and plan rendezvous, and never, ever, ever, ever, ever skip that date night (if that’s what you do).  Most of all, have fun with it – laugh, dance together, sing to one another, and remember what it is about him that caused you to fall in love!

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

They say inside every fat woman is a skinny woman screaming to get out.  I say slap that skinny skank.  NO!  I don’t say that.  Where DID that come from? 

OK – I think her voice – that skinny woman – isn’t loud enough.  It’s muffled by… can I say it?  Fat.  Flab.  Excess.  Obesity.  Corpulence.

I say our outer fat woman is louder – oooo, notice how BRAVELY I use that F-bomb?  This F-bomb is far worse that that other one people talk about.  Both F-bombs make people cringe but this one is somehow forbidden to be used in reference to certain… umm shall we say hefty portion sized women?  People want to prettify it with words such as “overweight” “plus size” “fleshy” “oversupply” or “pleasingly plump” (what kind of sick perverted person came up with THAT one?) - *ahem* – any number of words that cover up what we all know when we look in the mirror.  That is fat we’re lookin’ at (hey, it rhymes!).  That is FAT… we’re lookin’ AT! Oh, stop me now!

I started this blog because I wanted to chronicle my journey back into my Little Black Dress.  Somewhere along the line of my life in the past 10 years, I began gaining weight.  It began to creep on while I wasn’t looking – but WAS obviously eating.

(Not me, Istockphoto.com)  It’s been quite a journey because while I’ve only lost about 15 pounds, I learned a LOT about myself.  Inner wisdom, whoo hoo.  I’d much rather have had outer weight loss, but there it is.  The crux of my problem – I talky more than I walky.  I don’t walk the walk.  I talk the walk.  Or research the walk.  Or think about the walk.  Anything but walk the walk.  But that’s a blog for another day.

I realized this journey will never be successful until my insides are taken care of!  No, I don’t mean probiotics and healthy stomach activity.  I mean that without dealing with what causes the overeating or mental block to exercising, I can possibly lose fake weight but the promise of it coming back is always there.  Looming over my head.  Hiding and waiting to pounce out when I least expect it or until I try on a pair of jeans that won’t… gasp …button.


Fake weight loss – losing pounds without ever dealing with the cause of the pounds.

I think any journey to bettering yourself requires an inner knowledge of who one is.  In other words, I have to be totally honest with myself about why I won’t eat right or drink enough water or exercise or seemingly CARE that I’ve gained this much weight.  I mean, I used to be “Mz. Exercise Freak and No-Way is an Ounce of Fat Going to Touch This Bod.”  Yah, I know. Hard to believe.

Honesty, for an overweight person, is not always easy.  I don’t mean honesty as in, “You are a loser. You are a fat pig. You are lazy. You are ugly. You are never going to get the victory.  You eat because you are a undisciplined cow! You may as well give up.”

I mean honesty as in, “OK, WHY do you eat that when you know it will make you feel like you have the flu tomorrow morning?”  “What causes you to take a left away from the exercise machine instead or a right into the room where Richard Simmons is waiting to dance that flab right off you?” 

I think if society allowed people to BE honest about being fat without crucifying them, it would go a long way to helping with that inner honesty. Until one can stand up and say, “I am FAT but I am working on it” without people grimacing or gagging or acting like the fat person is missing a few brain cells and is stupider than dirt because they are fat… whew I sure am throwing that F-Bomb around, aren’t I!

Anyway, until fat people are allowed to deal with being fat without being stigmatized, FAT will be an F-Bomb. And as long as it is an F-Bomb, it will be hard for people to be honest with themselves. And if they are not honest with themselves, they’ll forever be hiding behind the F-Bomb.

If a drug addicted person got up and said, “I am a druggie but I am getting clean” people ooooo and ahhhhh and pat the person on the back. If a food addicted person (altho that is a simlistic view), gets up and says, “I am fat but I am working on that” people look away or cringe or think, “How did she let herself go like that? How gross!”

OK – deep breath. Step down off the soapbox. This was insight into the inner workings of a woman who is using this blog as an excuse not to go get in the pool and do her water aerobics.  Heh heh heh.  OK, ya caught me.  I guess I’d better go exercise now.  But know this, I may be exercising on the outside but I’m blogging on the inside!!


p.s. – check out Life of Meg’s Mingle Monday!


Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

OK, I know how that sounds – like I might be cheating on my diet – not! I am cheating on The Peaceful Life because I came across some brilliant advice about 10 Habits of Organized People.  It’s a great blog posting and I’m taking it!

So instead of going to ALL the trouble of creating a new posting about The Peaceful Life (which I will do tomorrow), I will steal someone else’s blog link to Stepfanie’s Time Out blog – check it out here.  I discovered her via a tweet on Twitter which came via The Lady Bloggers.

Then we also have Java over at Never Growing Old and her Meet Me Monday’s 12th Edition.  Check it out HERE.

This week’s questions are:

1. What is your favorite kind of potato chip?
2. Do you make your bed everyday?
3. How often do you go to the hair salon?
4. What do you dip your French fries in?
5 Do you shop with coupons?

1 – Cheeps?  I doan eat no stankin’ cheeps!  Dey are not on me diet, maties.  Oh, you want me to be open and honest?  Why?  OK, honesty forces me to say that yes, I do occasionally eat chips, especially when the Bistro is out of pommes de terre frites.  But of course, I don’t eat them either.

2 – Do I make my bed everyday?  What kind of SICK and TWISTED question is that??  I am a grown up.  I do not HAVE to make my bed and you can’t make me make my bed.  Nanny nanny boo boo.

3 – Hair Salon – *Sigh* – you HAD to remind me that I no longer have a long-term relationship with my former hairstylist.  You HAD to go and break my heart.  You HAD to remind me that I had to go to a STRANGER who gave me the nightmare haircut from hades, didn’t you??  It used to be every 3-4 weeks but I had to leave him.  He was too abusive.  He BURNED the back of my hair and didn’t tell me.

4 – I already told you I don’t admit to eat pommes de terre frites.  I could never admit that since I am focusing on getting back into my little black dresses.  But, of course, IF I did – and I’m only saying IF here – I might have used catsup or the occasional vinegar splashed on those crispy, moist, wonderus bits of hot greasy… *ahem* BUT I AM NOT ADMITTING TO THAT.

6 – Cow Pons?  NO.  I think years ago I tried it, once.  But all that searching for them, cutting, sorting, storing, pulling out of your handy cow pon holder in the store to hearing groans in line behind you – bleh.  I am too lazy to use them, thank you for asking.  Besides, they got in the way of reading the Sunday funnies.

So! There you have it, my brilliant and insightful answers.  If you don’t have a blog, go ahead and answer these super intelligent questions in the Comment section.  Inquiring minds need to know!

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

(This is part of an on-going series Momma’s Soapbox and I are doing on Keeping Our Inner Aloha/Peaceful Life. See here for the Aloha lowdown and here for the Peaceful Life reason!)

Have you ever taken a $50 and run it through the trash compactor?  Or churned it down the drain using the garbage disposal?  How about taking a handful of money and throwing it in your trash can?  No?  Well I have.

Oh, I haven’t literally taken the actual cash-money and done this but listen to this tale.  It is an on-going one in our household.

I decide to clean the freezers out.  I pull out several containers and zippered baggies full of unidentifiable frozen food objects.  I say to Alpha Hubby, “Do you have any idea what this is?”

His response is always, “No. What does it look like?”

Me: *Huff* of frustration.  

“If I knew what it looked like, I could probably figure out what it is,” I say showing, I believe, great patience.

“Well I don’t know what it is.  Why don’t you thaw it out and see?” he says, wisely.

So we do.  We leave all these containers and baggies in the sink or on the counter.  Much later we will come back to take a peek.

I say to Alpha Hubby, “Do you have any idea what this is?”

To which his response is always, “No.  What does it look like?”

Me: MAJOR *HUFF* of frustration.  

“If I knew what it looked like,” I respond very patiently, “then I could figure out what it is.  Why don’t you taste it and see?”

This brave man who used to say he had a cast iron stomach and could eat anything always replies, “I’m not eating that. We don’t even know what it is!”  

At this point the entire conversation spirals downhill pretty quickly.

Does this sound like a merry-go-round conversation to you?  Me, too.  And we have it every time I decide to defrost the freezer.  So all that food always ends up down the garbage disposal or sealed in the baggie and tossed out because we usually can’t figure out what it was.

When this happens I always think that I should mark the container somehow (ya think???).  I should become organized enough to buy those stickers or use one of my millions of Sharpie permanent markers.  I mean, how hard is that?  It’s NOT!

But I never do it.  Somewhere along the line, I failed Suzy Homemaker* 102, the class about organized freezing of foods.  And the one for sewing.  And the one for organized homes.  I am a Suzy Homemaker failure.  Oh, the shame.  My only excuse is that I am a crossroads generation – raised by the 50′s generation that believed in Suzy Homemaker and living in the 70′s that threw Gloria Steinem, NOW, and bra burning in my face!  I didn’t know who I was.

To save myself a lot of frustration and work next time, I’m just going to take the grocery money and throw it on the burn pile.  It will save a lot of time, trouble and merry-go-round conversations!

And you want to know why Momma’s Soapbox and I are starting a bi-weekly blog about being better organized when there are so many blogs about it out there???  We need it. Desperately.

Peaceful Tip:  Invest in a magic marker or Sharpie pen and write down, ON the container or baggie, the name of whatever food is in it.  Write the date, too, so you will know how long it has been in the freezer and then will understand why there is fuzz and green hair growing on the food.  It will make you feel oh so much better organized!

*Suzy Homemaker definition n. a personification of the quintessential female American housewife. (During the 1960s, this was a brand of child-sized kitchen appliances and also a doll of the same name.) : Well, aren’t you just Miss Suzy Homemaker! You’re even wearing an apron! Suzy Homemaker – Topper Toys 1966-1970′s - Topper Toys made many different cooking toys under the name Suzy Homemaker. Toys that worked just like Mom’s! Most items plugged into the household outlet to operated lights such as the oven,  dish washer, grill, or the corn popper which really worked. With the sinks and dishwasher – you could actually pump water through them! Smaller items such as mixers, and hair dryers used batteries to operate them. Also, the kitchen appliances such as the ovens and washers came in 3 sizes. and washers came in 3 sizes.

Copyright © 2010 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved

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