PICTUREs TO COME
- BEFORE, DURING...
THEN AFTER! STAY
TUNED...
- BEFORE, DURING...
THEN AFTER! STAY
TUNED...
NANS BIO
As you can see by the pictures, I had some drastic changes in a very few years.
My first memory of going on a diet was in high school –my Junior year. Mom decided I was gaining a bit
of weight (4-5 pounds) and put me on a diet. She wanted to stop it before it progressed into a
problem. She cut back all my calories and wouldn’t let me eat anything other than what she set before
me. Since back then we had PE classes and I was also a cheerleader, I was very active and energetic
which took care of the exercise part of my life.
Later in life, I remember seeing a picture of myself at 16 and not even recognizing myself. I asked my
mom who the girl in the picture was. She told me then she felt she’d been too harsh on me about
weight gains and losses. She was paranoid about gaining weight. I was so slender, my cheeks were
sunken. I had no idea I’d ever looked like that.
In college I put on the “freshman 15” and I remember a guy I had a crush on telling me, “You know when
I first saw you, I thought you were very cute. Now you’ve gained all this weight and have let yourself
go.” I was 115 pounds at 5’1-1/2”. Not exactly elephantine proportions! But once again, I cut back on
calories and that took care of it.
When I was 19, I was involved in a car accident that sent my right kneecap through the radio knob,
tearing a huge hole in my knee and breaking off a piece of my kneecap. It required several inner and
outer stitches. My left knee was affected to a lesser degree, cut but not needing stitches. Keep this in
mind.
In my late 20’s, I dated another guy who turned out to be fixated with my looking good no matter what. I
remember being paranoid about my looks all the time. At 27, I was a nervous wreck over something so
trivial, it should never have happened. Finally, I remember staring into the mirror and thinking, “This is
no way to live and this relationship is not healthy.”
When I was 9 months pregnant, I remember being told, as I was walking away, “Wow, you don’t look fat
from behind.” Nine months pregnant and some guy equated it with being fat. That was another
defining moment in my life. I recall being very disgusted with that attitude and the importance some
people put on looks and how it just wasn’t important. Not really.
By reading this, anyone can see I developed issues that affected the way I thought of myself and
looked at myself; I ended up with a 25 pound weight gain that “padded” the way I looked. Throughout
my 30’s I carried an extra 20-25 pounds that I didn’t work too energetically to remove. Why bother?
When I turned 40, I had enough. I started an exercise program and was getting a grip on my extra
pounds when my Alpha Hero. He loved me the way I was. Probably in the back of my mind, I put him
through a test. I didn’t work too hard to take the 25 pounds off after that – probably as a sort of, “Does
he really love me just the way I am? Or is this all about looks, too?” Poor guy. He ended up paying for
all the guys in my life who were obsessive about looks. The irony is that he is the only person I'd like to
look good for.
In 1995, I quit smoking. Weight slowly began to creep on and in 1999, I was 65 pounds overweight.
From that point until this, it edged up and up and up until I am where I am today. It was a combination
of inattention to the weight gain and thinking I could just stop and take it off anytime I wanted to,just like
I had in the past. I probably could have if I’d stuck to any diet and exercise program I started. But I
never did. I just quit and failed, gained and lost and gained, gained, gained.
In 2004, I went to the local gym and began using a personal trainer there. He worked with me 3 days a
week, teaching me how to do the weight training program, introducing me to an elliptical and recumbent
bike, and telling me what to eat. I also worked out at home (we had a treadmill). I lost 21 pounds in 8
months and no more. Oh, I had toned up and was so energetic it was great. But I was so discouraged I
wanted to hit someone. I now know I was eating so little, my body was in “hold on to all calories at all
costs” mode. If you eat too little, your body believes it is in starvation and will keep every calorie you
put into it.
Then the personal trainer left town and I was stuck doing my own workout. That lasted… not long. I
wasn't very good at policing myself. I needed help.
Hubby has purchased every piece of equipment I could ever need, supported me through all the
programs I’ve started and quit (and paid for them), encouraged me, helped me, worked with me, and
has been a strong, sturdy help. I have no excuses.
In 2006, I began to experience pain in my right knee. I thought I had pulled a tendon or something and
worked it out even more. After 8 months and some swelling that would not go away, I finally broke down
and went to an orthopedic surgeon. He informed me that my cartilage had totally deteriorated and
demanded I lose 30 pounds. Instead, I ended up gaining another 20 pounds. It was if it had shown up
supernaturally. I was dieting when this happened.
Also in 2006, hubby and I began eating healthy – cutting out white sugar and all white flour products.
We began cutting out chemicals in early 2008. I got psyched and began to keep a food journal of
everything I put into my mouth. At first I was totally shocked at how many calories I'd been ingesting
without realizing it. NO WONDER I was having trouble losing weight! I kept track and still gained
another 10 pounds. I finally realized my portion sizes were out of whack. Even if the food was healthy
and low calorie, you can still eat too much to lose weight for very long!
After that epiphany and cutting the portion sizes down, the changes we’ve made in our eating habits
have made me want to get this weight off once and for all (he did). I realized because pain was
beginning to affect my left knee that I had to get serious or face knee surgery someday. All my knee
pain was directly related to my weight.
I made a determination that I had a serious choice to make - live well or live a diminished life. Little
Black Dress Diaries was born on May 4, 2009, as a way to keep track and be accountable. I began
blogging on www.lbddiaries.com/blog but I would actually have to say that nothing really worked until 2
weeks into it and I found myself already falling back into bad habits, beginning to quit and give up. I
heard some things that gave me a huge wake-up call and I decided not to quit, but to dig in and get
really serious. No more backward walking for me.
It hasn’t been easy – I have spent too many years tricking myself into failing. This time, I will make it. I
will get back into that Little Black Dress, size M! My knees are counting on me!
My first memory of going on a diet was in high school –my Junior year. Mom decided I was gaining a bit
of weight (4-5 pounds) and put me on a diet. She wanted to stop it before it progressed into a
problem. She cut back all my calories and wouldn’t let me eat anything other than what she set before
me. Since back then we had PE classes and I was also a cheerleader, I was very active and energetic
which took care of the exercise part of my life.
Later in life, I remember seeing a picture of myself at 16 and not even recognizing myself. I asked my
mom who the girl in the picture was. She told me then she felt she’d been too harsh on me about
weight gains and losses. She was paranoid about gaining weight. I was so slender, my cheeks were
sunken. I had no idea I’d ever looked like that.
In college I put on the “freshman 15” and I remember a guy I had a crush on telling me, “You know when
I first saw you, I thought you were very cute. Now you’ve gained all this weight and have let yourself
go.” I was 115 pounds at 5’1-1/2”. Not exactly elephantine proportions! But once again, I cut back on
calories and that took care of it.
When I was 19, I was involved in a car accident that sent my right kneecap through the radio knob,
tearing a huge hole in my knee and breaking off a piece of my kneecap. It required several inner and
outer stitches. My left knee was affected to a lesser degree, cut but not needing stitches. Keep this in
mind.
In my late 20’s, I dated another guy who turned out to be fixated with my looking good no matter what. I
remember being paranoid about my looks all the time. At 27, I was a nervous wreck over something so
trivial, it should never have happened. Finally, I remember staring into the mirror and thinking, “This is
no way to live and this relationship is not healthy.”
When I was 9 months pregnant, I remember being told, as I was walking away, “Wow, you don’t look fat
from behind.” Nine months pregnant and some guy equated it with being fat. That was another
defining moment in my life. I recall being very disgusted with that attitude and the importance some
people put on looks and how it just wasn’t important. Not really.
By reading this, anyone can see I developed issues that affected the way I thought of myself and
looked at myself; I ended up with a 25 pound weight gain that “padded” the way I looked. Throughout
my 30’s I carried an extra 20-25 pounds that I didn’t work too energetically to remove. Why bother?
When I turned 40, I had enough. I started an exercise program and was getting a grip on my extra
pounds when my Alpha Hero. He loved me the way I was. Probably in the back of my mind, I put him
through a test. I didn’t work too hard to take the 25 pounds off after that – probably as a sort of, “Does
he really love me just the way I am? Or is this all about looks, too?” Poor guy. He ended up paying for
all the guys in my life who were obsessive about looks. The irony is that he is the only person I'd like to
look good for.
In 1995, I quit smoking. Weight slowly began to creep on and in 1999, I was 65 pounds overweight.
From that point until this, it edged up and up and up until I am where I am today. It was a combination
of inattention to the weight gain and thinking I could just stop and take it off anytime I wanted to,just like
I had in the past. I probably could have if I’d stuck to any diet and exercise program I started. But I
never did. I just quit and failed, gained and lost and gained, gained, gained.
In 2004, I went to the local gym and began using a personal trainer there. He worked with me 3 days a
week, teaching me how to do the weight training program, introducing me to an elliptical and recumbent
bike, and telling me what to eat. I also worked out at home (we had a treadmill). I lost 21 pounds in 8
months and no more. Oh, I had toned up and was so energetic it was great. But I was so discouraged I
wanted to hit someone. I now know I was eating so little, my body was in “hold on to all calories at all
costs” mode. If you eat too little, your body believes it is in starvation and will keep every calorie you
put into it.
Then the personal trainer left town and I was stuck doing my own workout. That lasted… not long. I
wasn't very good at policing myself. I needed help.
Hubby has purchased every piece of equipment I could ever need, supported me through all the
programs I’ve started and quit (and paid for them), encouraged me, helped me, worked with me, and
has been a strong, sturdy help. I have no excuses.
In 2006, I began to experience pain in my right knee. I thought I had pulled a tendon or something and
worked it out even more. After 8 months and some swelling that would not go away, I finally broke down
and went to an orthopedic surgeon. He informed me that my cartilage had totally deteriorated and
demanded I lose 30 pounds. Instead, I ended up gaining another 20 pounds. It was if it had shown up
supernaturally. I was dieting when this happened.
Also in 2006, hubby and I began eating healthy – cutting out white sugar and all white flour products.
We began cutting out chemicals in early 2008. I got psyched and began to keep a food journal of
everything I put into my mouth. At first I was totally shocked at how many calories I'd been ingesting
without realizing it. NO WONDER I was having trouble losing weight! I kept track and still gained
another 10 pounds. I finally realized my portion sizes were out of whack. Even if the food was healthy
and low calorie, you can still eat too much to lose weight for very long!
After that epiphany and cutting the portion sizes down, the changes we’ve made in our eating habits
have made me want to get this weight off once and for all (he did). I realized because pain was
beginning to affect my left knee that I had to get serious or face knee surgery someday. All my knee
pain was directly related to my weight.
I made a determination that I had a serious choice to make - live well or live a diminished life. Little
Black Dress Diaries was born on May 4, 2009, as a way to keep track and be accountable. I began
blogging on www.lbddiaries.com/blog but I would actually have to say that nothing really worked until 2
weeks into it and I found myself already falling back into bad habits, beginning to quit and give up. I
heard some things that gave me a huge wake-up call and I decided not to quit, but to dig in and get
really serious. No more backward walking for me.
It hasn’t been easy – I have spent too many years tricking myself into failing. This time, I will make it. I
will get back into that Little Black Dress, size M! My knees are counting on me!
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Early 2008
Sept 2006
Current 6-2009
Current 6-2009
Current 6- 2009
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